What I'm Really Learning From College

You could say I have somewhat of a reputation as being Ohio State's resident Nick Burns. Why? Maybe it's because after working at Micro Center, I can't bear to see people pay to have the simplest computer problems fixed. Maybe it's because I'm just a lot smarter than you - whatever, I'm not here to point fingers at who may or may not be as computer literate as a chimpanzee. Today I'm going to do you all some good and show you how to make your computing life much easier with the following programs.... unless you use a Mac. If you use a Mac - fuck you.


Firefox Extensions

If you do not already have Firefox, you can just stop right there, beat yourself over the head with a 2x4 or similar blunt object and come back when you get it. The extensions below will make your life a lot easier

• Adblock + Adblock Filterset - Download and install these two guys together and you won't see about 98% of the ads on the internet again. Does this defeat the purpose of most companies business model for the internet - Yes. Do I care - No, and I doubt very much you will either.
  
  
• Customize Google - After you install this, go to Tools --> Extensions --> Options. Here you can get rid of the other 2% of the ads on the internet by eliminating them from Google and Gmail, among other features.
  
  
• Get 1-ClickWeather - if you're still using that terrible spyware piece of crap Weatherbug.
  

Check out the Firefox website for more extensions you might like.


Get Rid of Spam in Your OSU Account with Gmail

I don't know about you, but I get about 60 offers for penis pills a day. No matter how many times I tell these companies I have a large penis already, I continue to get the emails. Here's a simple fix - if you have a Gmail account (another thing you should get if you don't have), you can have your OSU mail forwarded to it, and Gmail will filter out the crap automatically. You have to forward your OSU mail to something after you graduate anyway, so you might as well do it now. Here's OIT's online form to set it up - it's quite painless. If you're at a different school, I'm sure there's a similar process at your Information Technology office.


AiMutation

A tool that integrates with Instant Messenger to give you tabs on your IM's, automatic logging of all your messages, ability to give your buddies alias (so scoobydoobydooLOL53 displays as Jason, for example), and of course, gets rid of those damn AOL ads. I think this is better than using DeadAIM or, God forbid, AIM by itself.

Peer Guardian 2

If I had to take a guess, I would say you don't want to be sued for downloading music/movies/goat porn/ whatever (I support doing none of those... well, maybe the goat porn). Peer Guardian 2 is a tool that will block connections from your computer to untrustworthy sources like the RIAA, MPAA, or Vardin Kushnir, depending on how you configure it. Stays in your taskbar so you can turn protection on and off easily. For stalkers out there, I would disable it when you browse the web, it sometimes blocks images from some websites, among them, Facebook.


iTunes Art Importer

If you use iTunes, get iTunes AI to import the album art for all your songs automatically - works with all versions of iTunes. Again this is for Windows only - suck on it Mac users. Suck it long, suck it hard, and when you're done sucking on that, just keep on sucking.

I hope these little tips serve you well in your computing experience, and also get you the hell off of my back with your crybaby computer problems for awhile.

Finally, while you're obviously already screwing around on the internet trying to kill time, check out my roommate's eBay auction for an autographed System of a Down Ibanez guitar. He won it in a contest a few years ago by designing a new logo for SOAD. Might make a good Christmas present for the crazy metal fan in your family.

Sort of.

This weekend several of my friends and I trekked to Ann Arbor, Michigan to support Ohio State in their last football game of the regular season. If you are unaware of how big a rivalry Ohio State vs. Michigan is - you must have been living in a cave all your life.... on Mars. We proudly don our Fuck Michigan shirts sold to us by shady street vendors every year - how else will others know that we believe Ann Arbor to be a whore?

At Ohio State we have a slew of school sanctioned events that comprise "Beat Michigan Week." The university fully encourages us to, well, hate Michigan. Many of us even spell it M*ch*g*n because it is such a foul word. Hell, Woody Hayes (who, by the way, is from my hometown, Newcomerstown, Ohio) would only refer to it as "that school up North."

Before Nick, Sab, Tim, Tingley and I headed up north, we first of course, had to jump in Mirror Lake. Why, would anyone in their right mind, jump in a lake at 12am when the temperature is a "balmy" 22 degrees? If you ask any average Ohio State student, they will all tell you the same thing - I don't know. It's just what you do the Thursday night before a Michigan game. We're in college. We're dumb. (Sidenote: if you really do want to know why we jump in Mirror Lake, check out this article from our god awful school newspaper - The Lantern. God, I hate The Lantern.)

So frenzied is our celebration at Mirror Lake, it usually costs the university anywhere from 10-30,000 dollars just to clean it up. Not to mention all the diseases in this so called "lake." But hey, whatever, college students are indestructible, 30 grand is a pocket change to our school, oh, and as a bonus, it's a nice little Fuck You to the environment.

Anyway, Friday arrives and we load up Nick's Jeep Cherokee to head "north until you smell shit, and west until you step in it." Funny thing about a Jeep Cherokee:


How do you deal with such close quarters on a 4-5 hour drive? Well, you don't drink a case of beer in the car, I'll tell you that much. That would be both irresponsible, dangerous, and illegal.

Now that Election Day 2005 has come and gone, it's time to look ahead to the future. A new poll released just today revealed that only 37% of Americans approve of the job President Bush is doing. In a land where Wal-Mart employees go on Medicare because they can't afford health insurance, it is clear something needs to change. Our country is dying, and it is time for effective leadership in our government.

I'll cut right to the chase - America needs a new president like a fat kid needs a cupcake.

Many factors have contributed to this mindset - ineffective response to Hurricane Katrina, the War in Iraq, the raping of Social Security, and spiraling oil prices are just a few reasons we must change the administration in the White House at once. The current staff may or may not be responsible for these problems, but what is clear is America needs a leader who can fix these issues plaguing our country. This leader must transcend the label of Republican or Democrat, and build a bridge between both parties to effect change. A man of integrity, a man of intellect, and one of strong American ideals must be our next president.


I am talking, of course, about MacGyver.





MacGyver acts fast and thinks faster - that's a fact. Here's another, he lives on a houseboat.

In a MacGyer White House, dependence on foreign oil will become a moot point after our President shows every American how to make a simple, efficient energy reactor out of a coffee pot, baking soda, and a sock. MacGyver will also usher in a new era of peace, not just in America, but throughout the world as well. He will eliminate Al Qaeda, not by bombing them, but instead by showing them love and compassion firsthand at our Afghanistan Embassy - which will have been converted to an all-night Boys and Girls Club. I predict both of these initiatives will take place within 90 minutes of MacGyver's Inauguration.

The FBI and CIA will naturally become a subdivision of the Phoenix Foundation, which will take over all law enforcement duties of the country. And bird sanctuary duties. Hey it's the Phoenix Foundation, they can whatever the hell they want.

Look, MacGyver had a near-death experience with the mortal reincarnation of the Egyptian god Anubis, OK? We need someone with this kind of experience. We need a president who advocates common sense and Swiss Army knives. Do you want a president that can't even make a blowtorch out of a car battery and some paperclips? I know I don't.

I say we start the grassroots campaign right now and ride this mullet to a better tomorrow.

MacGyver 2008 - The Smart Choice

Persons must not vote more than once in any election ...
(42 U.S.C. 1973i(e))

Yes, it was only 25 years ago that the United States Congress thought about passing a law against voting more than once in an election. Seems kind of funny to me. Back when that was passed, citizens and politicians alike were worried about corrupt organizations and voters stuffing the ballot boxes.

These days, even if it's a presidential election, you have to beg folks to vote.

I suppose it's a combination of ignorance and apathy on our part. Those who do vote stick mostly to party lines or do whatever their favorite newspaper tells them to do. Why? Again, because most people are infuriating lazy.

Campaign commercials are a magic little tool that make us ill informed AND anxious for election season to be over. Organizations will outright lie in an 30 second ad, another one will refute it, and by the end you don't know whose telling the truth and are just sick of the whole thing.

Well, despite the large heap of bullshit that can surround the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November, I sincerely hope that if you are registered to vote, you do it. If you are not registered to vote - you make me want to have a stroke, remember what the point of democracy is?

With this in mind, and bullshit aside, visit this website to get a brief overview of the issues, as well as arguments both for and against them. There is also information on city council candidates at the same site.

I think you personally do a disservice to your country by not voting, so please don't make me kick your ass by not having an "I voted" sticker on Tuesday.

God Bless America, Bitch.

You know what's great about America? You know why other countries can't stand Americans? Same answer - our staggering excess in everything. Take our use of energy for example - America constitutes 5% of the world population, but 24% of the world's energy. I'm told that this equates to one American using as much energy as 370 Ethiopians. Haha! Suck on that Ethiopia! If we need to be doing anything right now, it's beating Ethiopians at everything.

Ahh but we are much, much more gluttonous with our food. Yes, our sweet, sweet food. The Polish have their sausage, the Belgiums have their chocolate, France has sissy ass frog legs, and we have the rest. We're the birthplace of the Big Mac, bitch.

Think I'm exaggerating? Check this shite out.


Yes, someone actually made, and ate this sandwich. Guess what - All-American, baby. A sandwich that at the very sight would cause "Jesus himself to break down in an explosive torrent of tears and fury. "

Everything in the sandwich, with the exception of some of the veggies, cheese, and condiments was fried; either pan-fried in gratuitous amounts of butter, bacon fat, and garlic salt, or plunged into a deep fat fryer. Mostly both.

Here's a breakdown of the ingredients and calories (oh by the way, it's a 30,000 calorie sandwich, too).

Food	Calories
Fried Mushrooms – 15	450
Bacon – 14 pieces	990
Onion rings – 18	1140
Ground Beef – 1/4 lb.	293
Corndogs – 2	540
Swiss Cheese – 4 slices	425
Provolone Cheese – 4 slices	397
Cheddar Cheese – 4 slices	455
Sliced Ham – 1/4 lb.	184
Sliced Turkey – 1/4 lb.	181
Pastrami – 1/4 lb.	394
Sliced Roast Beef – 1/4 lb.	200
Bratwurst – 1	510
Braunschweiger – 1/4 lb.	580
Wheat Bread – 1 lb.	1030
Lettuce – 1/2 head	25
Feta Cheese – 4 oz.	350
Italian Salad Dressing – 6 oz.	480
Oregeno – 50 grams	438
Salt & Pepper – 50 grams	0
Butter – 1/2 lb.	1600
Parmesan Cheese – 100 grams	465
Canola Oil – 154 Tbsp.	18,432
Total	29,559

Another fun fact - it took 15 hours to eat.

So there you have it, just one example of our country's total disregard for health, animals, resources and starving countries. What are we to do then, if by nature, we are a country steeped in at least several of the 7 deadly sins? How doest one turn the tide.

The answer is, I don't care.

I live in a great country, a country where I can walk right around the corner, buy a large pizza, and automatically get 2 for free, every time -- so screw France and their sissy ass frog legs.

(And this again, is why foreign people hate us)

Yeah - I'm typing this on the mac. I'd write more but hot damn, I need sleep.

On a sidenote, hooray for football, happy hour, and Nick and his chickens this weekend.

I have slept 4 hours in the last 2 days. This Mac... this... Satan incarnate.... it consumes me... it is the bane of my existence.

Actually I had to study for a test, but did a fair amount of work on this too.



First order of business - I created Mac bootable OS X install discs - a feat done entirely on my XP laptop. This was the most time consuming thing I have done, it sucked, and I'm not going to tell you how I did it because it was entirely too complicated for this space. Suffice it to say you will need the following things:

• Alcohol 120% - the program
• Retail OS X discs or Bittorrent to get them unethically
• Time to sit on your ass and watch your computer freak out
• Alcohol 120% - the liquor
  

Next, obviously, installing OS X... which, by the way, is one damn fine piece of software. Does that make me a nerd for saying that? Who cares, fuck you - I have widgets... you don't even know what a widget is.

I figured up to this point would be a breeze, and for the most part it was. What would really be tricky, is if I could use my "Windows-only" wireless card and DVD burner. I mean, what the hell good is having a Mac to edit video on if you can't put it on a DVD, anyway. Fuck that.

You'll notice I'm using the word "fuck" a lot. That's because the Mac is the antithesis of everything I have ever known about a computer... and it is bugging the hell out of me. Fortunately, I can at least use my two buttoned mouse on it like normal.

In looking around on the net, I saw that a lot of people were able to trick their systems into thinking their card (Linksys WMP54G) was actually an Apple Airport card and using it's driver.

If you somehow have stumbled across my blog because you are in the same situation, let me save you a lot of trouble right here. Pull out your Linksys wireless card and look at it. While the model says WMP54G, look at the FCC ID of the card. If it says WMP54GV2, V3, or V4, your card ain't gonna work and there's no point in trying. When Linksys found out it's card was compatible with Macs, they deliberatley changed the whole chipset of the card so future versions wouldn't work. Nice, huh?

So, that leaves me where I am now - trying to put a "Windows only" DVD burner into a decidely non-Windows computer, and have it work just as it should. I've already got an idea on how to do this, I just haven't had time yet. So rest assured, nerds, I will tell you how to do this task tomorrow (or Friday if I get pissed off and start drinking on Thursday)

In my line of work and extracuriculuar activities, I do a lot of video editing. Unfortunately, the "industry standard" software to do this - Avid - sucks my figurative balls.

In my other line of work, I just acquired a free, fairly decent Mac G4. The catch is, it has no operating system on it.

Now here is the kicker, there is a ton of great software out there for Macs only, specifically, one called Final Cut, which is for (drum roll, please) hardcore video editing.

Seems pretty racist of Apple to not let me use their damn program, but they won't return my phone calls anymore after I told the lady on the phone she was a bigot. Therefore, my only option is to attempt to make this bad boy purr again.

Most people assume I know everything about anything electronic. While yes, I can run circles around you at pretty much anything to do with networking, hardware, or Windows, I know jack diddly shit about Macs.

So, I guess time will tell if I manage to even get the thing to turn on, let alone put an operating system on it. For now, I will mark this as Day 1 of this sorrid little adventure and see how long it takes me (if I can do it at all) to make this bitch work - CW style.