What I'm Really Learning From College

2005 was a pivotal year in my life, the lives of my friends, and the lives of many Americans. In the last 365 days we have seen happiness and heartache alike. Many of gained and quit new jobs, we lost people close to us, as well as gained new folks close to our heart. Nationwide, many Americans in the South were left devastated by Hurricane Katrina. Halfway across the world, many in the Far East have spent the last year trying to rebuild their lives after a devastating tsunami.

In my own life, 2005 started off tragically, as I and the people close to me lost a dear friend, for reasons we will most likely never know, a devastating loss that is still felt today.



Time passed as it tends to, and months later would find my 21st birthday. A bittersweet milestone signifying that I am no longer a kid, yet, can also get drunk at Applebee's if I so please. 2005 would also find more friends like Adrienne and the late comer Latimer hitting this junction in their lives.




Classes at Ohio State continued, well, for most people. Spring quarter found Nick and I drinking most every day due to our painfully easy class schedules. Really more astonishing for Nick than me, since I take JCOM classes and he now changes control rods in nuclear power plants. Nevertheless, from Brother's to Too's. Four Keg's to case races, it was good bonding time, irregardless of how much alcohol and cheap wings fueled it.




Spring began to turn into early summer. Ah yes, the beginning of summer, the temperature's not too hot, but school's not quite done, and it's a perfect time for me to get mugged. And then taken to the ER for a weeklong stay in the hospital. And later, gaining a sprained ankle with a near hairline fracture. Most of this sucked, but at least I was discharged on May 5th, 2005. Why
do I remember that? No, not because of the insane OSU Medical Center bills, but because it was Cinco de Mayo.



Shortly after my stay in the hospital, I took a thankless, underpaid job as a master control board operator at NPR 820AM, and ended my 3 year career stint in the Registrar's office. Early summer also brings with it the end of school - which on this particular year, meant many friends graduating, but in particular, it meant Laura, Marilena, and Nick would be saying goodbye to Columbus.... after the requisite Senior Crawl and graduation parties... of course.











Around the same time Mike Quade moved in with us for the summer. This isn't particularly noteworthy, I will just always laugh when I think of watching him accidentally shoot out a car window with our BB gun.

The highlight of Summer 2005 could quite possibly have been laying waste to Spinnaker's on July 4th. There's a certain sense of accomplishment for being directly responsible for a business not turning a profit on the last day it is open.... among other reasons why that night rocked.


After hitting that high, summer quickly dropped into a lifeless routine as friends came and left Columbus (in some cases, the country). Summer became a repitition of work (or looking for it), occasionally highlighted by hanging out with Neil Diamond at the Schott, but not Ozzy Osbourne at the Germain (son of a bitch couldn't even come to his own damn show). The summer was so dull, the president and FEMA seemed to still be on vacation when Katrina hit...

Eventually the weather cooled back down and September reared it's head once more. To mark the occasion, I quit my job at NPR, and gained a new one watching a computer lab in the design department. Not suprisingly, this much easier job also paid more than my previous job of being completely responsible for a public radio station on the weekends. Irony - she is quite the bitch.

October came, and with it Halloween and Halloween parties. (Incidentally, if Tim Payne or any of the Hollabacks are reading this, neither of you have reimbursed me for keg deposits.)



Leaves slowly, but eventually changed their colors as Fall continued onward. Some of the boys and I went to Michigan (and jumped in Mirror Lake beforehand) for the ol' rivalry game - directly followed by Thanksgiving dinner.



And just like that, after coming back from Thanksgiving holiday, we found ourselves vamping up for Christmas. At the same time, exams and work continued to rob us of time, while several others were simultaneously (and finally) hitting their 21 mark.



Add in some time with the family and a few days for yourself, and you find yourself where I am now - at 7.00am on the morning of New Year's Eve, looking back and reflecting on the last 52 weeks of your life, and wondering where the hell they went. You wonder if they have passed so fast, what will the next 525,600 minutes in your life bring, what unpredictable tragedy and happiness could be in store?

Guess I'll tell you in a year.

To the tune of Ode to My Car by Adam Sandler

Piece of shit phone
I got a piece of shit phone
That fuckin’ pile of shit
Never stays on very long

My phone's a big piece of shit
’cause the camera is fucking shot
And my screen is fucking broken
It stays on and gets so hot
(it’s a piece of shit)

I can’t keep it turned on
’cause the battery's got a big fucking’ crack
And the speakerphone sucks real bad
’cause I spilled water from my CamelBack
(it’s a piece of shit)

Oh fuck you phone.

You don't want to buy ringtones. I can't blame you. Most of the ones you can buy through your phone are way overpriced and suck it hard. If you order some from one of those annoying tv commercials, you'll pay about 30 bucks a month for the privilege of hearing Kanye West when someone calls you. So what else can you do?

You can stick it to the man - and I'll show you how.

As you all know, I got a new phone with Verizon; I like it, it's simple yet sophisticated. What I don't like are the shit ass ringtones that come with my phone. Who wants to here Beethoven when your friends call? I believe you could get your ass kicked for doing something like that. I need AC/DC, Tenacious D, and Silvertide not The Entertainer.

So, here's how you make a ringtone from your own music and get it on your phone, without the pain of having to bend over to buy it.

Step One
Pick out an mp3 and the part of the song you want to use for your ringtone (duh). Load this mp3 file into any sound editor. (If you aren't familiar with sound editing very much , use Nero Wave Editor, it comes with a lot of cd burners. I use Adobe Audition.) Trim the mp3 to just the part you want to be your ringer, make it no more than 30 seconds.

Step Two (Optional)
If you are comfortable with sound editing, go into the Edit menu and select Convert Sample Type. By default, your file is probably at 44100hz. Sample this to a lower preset value, and also select Mono. Doing this will provide for less distortion when the ringer is on your phone, but you probably won't notice if you don't do it (I'm neurotic, so I notice and fix these things).

Step Three
Save your file as a .wav. Simple enough.

Step Four
Download this simple file and unzip the folder.

Step Five
Run wscma2u.exe from this folder. It will simply tell you to drag your .wav file into the box. It will ask for the name you want the new file to be - make it anything you want without spaces. Click through and close this program. A new file will appear in the folder - yourtitle.mmf "whateveryounamedit.mmf"

Step Six (Important!)
Rename the .mmf on this file to .mid
(If you can't view these file extensions, go to control panel --> folder options and turn on view file extensions)

Step Seven
Send it to your phone. Fire up your Gmail, Yahoo, whatever, and compose a new email. Attach the .mid file you just made. Here is where you are going to send it to

• If you are on Verizon Wireless, send the email to xxxxxxxxxx@vzwpix.com
• If you are on Cingular, send the email to xxxxxxxxxx@mms.mycingular.com
• If you are on Alltel (God help you), send it to xxxxxxxxxx@message.alltel.com (i think)
  
• If you are on Sprint, send it to xxxxxxxxxx@messaging.sprintpcs.com
  
• If you are on T-Mobile, send to xxxxxxxxxx@tmomail.net

The x's are where your cell number goes (without dashes). On Verizon it costs around a quarter to get one of these messages sent to your phone, the other ones are similiar in cost. If you will want to do a lot of sending files to your phone, you might want to invest in a ten dollar shipped data cable for your phone off ebay. This will plus your phone into your usb port and allow you to transfer from your computer.

EDIT: I have heard of one person who could not get the ringtone to play correctly when emailing it, everyone else has been able to email it fine. Your mileage may vary.

Step Eight
Twiddle your thumbs for about 5 minutes until the
message comes. When it does, open it up, list to its sweet goodness, and then click apply as ringtone.

If you are completely computer illiterate, I'm told smashthetones.com will do this grunt work for you for for free as well, but I haven't bothered to check them out.

Well that about covers it. I know Latimer wanted me to post this stuff so maybe the rest of you can get some use out of it too.

Also, these tunes you create will work on your phone even if it does not have mp3 player capabilities. Give it a shot, worst that happens is you are out a quarter.

Next up, I'll be killing my old phone and posting pics here up of it.

It's 5.15am on Sunday morning, and I'm lying awake in bed. I have to work in several hours but I can not fall asleep. Like an Alzheimer's patient, I briefly think about opening up my cellphone and scrolling through the contacts to see who might be awake right now - until I remember my phone doesn't allow this. I hate my phone.

Maybe it started the day I was talking on it in the rain, or maybe it was one of the many times I dropped it while enjoying a pint of ale at the local tavern; I'm not certain the exact day it contracted consumer electronic cancer, but it's been on life support ever since.

A lot of people say their phone sucks because it doesn't have Bluetooth or an MP3 player in it. If any of these people are reading this, I would like to invite you to shove a Bluetooth up your ass. I must say a prayer every time I dial a number, as the screen on the inside shows only white, and the one on the outside is cracked. Also, did I mention my phone randomly turns itself on and off while in the middle of a phone call?

Granted, I have had this little guy for about two years. Now, I can see how it's really hard to build an electronic device that will actually function normally for two years. After all, it's not like the phone companies have access to the technology present in my 15 year old Gameboy or anything.

After powering my little phone on after this weekend, it informed me I had 12 new voice messages - all calls I should have received were Alltel able to provide me with a phone that held a charge longer than 45 minutes. It was at this point, I had small but life-threatening seizure. When I recovered, I immediately ordered a new phone and service from Verizon.

This is the part where you come in.

Though I am happy I should be using my new phone by Monday or Tuesday, the question remains what to do with my old beat up jalopy of a cell phone. Though I considered several twisted and hilarious ways to destroy this thing, I remembered I have friends that might even be more sick and twisted than me. Since this little compendium of my thoughts is read Texas, California, Switzerland, and everywhere in between, I figured it's worth asking:

What is the best possible way to destroy my phone?

Click 'comments' below (you don't have to sign up to use it) or shoot me an IM with your suggestion. I'll post pictures of the carnage here once the deed is done.