What I'm Really Learning From College

The night started off mature enough


Again, with the maturity


This would probably be cute had I not ruined it


I love Alex's expressions


Three Hot Tamales


Midnight shots with my boys


I don't know, this looks like a Saved By the Bell picture or something to me


I can't tell if Lisa is rubbing her boob or what, but either way Alex is very focused on it


This might be confusing if you weren't there at the time


Another of many shots during the evening


Is she shocked or just turned on? You be the judge.


It's OK, I'm 21, I have a license to be treated like this now


No clue who these guys were, but they felt the need to buy me more shots.


Kate and Me

Me and Josh Being Professional


President Paul


Crazy Colin


Wackiness


Adam Clements - The Face of News

It's almost 5am as I write this. I haven't been to sleep yet, and I go in to work at 9. Sitting here realizing I will probably fall asleep sometime at work tomorrow reminds me of story about a man who worked in my office before I did.

"Buckeye" Bill was a guy that used to work with us down in Document Services. Very few people knew his last name was Heston because everyone knew him as the ubiquitous "Buckeye Bill" or simply just "Buckeye." Ironically enough, Bill wasn't as big of a Bucks fan as most people thought he was.

The story of why he was known as "Buckeye" goes back to another man that used to work in our office, Kevin. The thing about Bill and Kevin was that a) they always were goofing off and b) never getting enough sleep at home. Obviously, you can see I would identify with and admire both of these individuals.

One day Kevin was sound asleep at his desk (for quite some time, no doubt) and our supervisor Jim comes into the office. Bill, who for some reason was having the mental acuity of a supercomputer and cat-like reflexes that day, screams out, without hesitation:

GO BUCKS!!!

Without missing a beat, Kevin's head springs up and he begins shuffling papers strewn out all over his desk. To anyone who has been in the room more than 30 seconds, it is clear he has not been working and this sight is absolutely hysterical.

Jim, however, notices nothing out of the ordinary, drinks a cup of coffee, and leaves.

Some point later in the day, Bill falls asleep on his keyboard. Again, Jim strolls down into the office, coffee mug in hand, to see how things are going. Lucky for Bill, Kevin is all rested up and awake on this occassion.

GO BUCKS!!! Kevin screams.

Bill shoots up and begins pounding on his possibly drool covered keyboard. "YEA YEA, GO BUCKS!!" He says with an air of panic and about 20 decibels louder than normal. "JUST PULLING UP THIS WEEK'S ROSTER!! YEA! GO BUCKS!!!!"

Satisfied that this isn't the behavior of a man who has been asleep on the job for an hour, Jim leaves.

And so it came to pass that everytime one of those two guys fell asleep, the other would frantically yell "Go Bucks!" to wake the other up. Being that Bill was a big booming man who always over-exaggerated the routine, and that it rolled off the tongue so nicely, he became known simply as Buckeye Bill.

And it also came to pass that nearly everyday for, and I swear to God I am not kidding, five years, Bill and Kevin did most of their sleeping at work. While slackers they may have been, the plan was really quite ingenious. Bill and Kevin tapped into the one undeniable fact about working/attending The Ohio State University: you never question another's devotion to the Buckeyes. To my friends here at OSU, I suggest you use this knowledge to your advantage, like I plan to in several hours when I wake up from whatever impromptu nap I invariably end up taking at work.

Oh, whatever happened to Bill and Kevin? Why that's the best part of the story. Their jobs were downsized and now I handle all of the work they both would have done in the past. That's right, the "work" I do now used to be handled by two men. And if you aren't infuriated by that, then you weren't reading correctly.

As anyone who knows me is (painfully) aware, I have one of the easiest, well-paying jobs on the face of the planet. I work in Document Services, a division of the University Registar, and have very few job functions. In fact, here is a run down of my day to give you a better idea.

09:15 - Arrive 15 minutes late for work and zone out for 45 minutes

10:00 - Read entire issue of The Lantern

10:04 - United States and University mail arrives, I help sort and hand deliver every piece of mail coming in to Lincoln Tower.

11:00 - Mail sorting is finished, I sit and read a magazine that should be delivered to a student while talking to various building employees who come down to pick up their office's mail.

11:30 - Go up to Treasurer's Office and see what Jackie is doing.

11:45 - Lunch break, I grab some snacks out of a vending machine (Unless it's a pizza Friday)

12:30 - Re-read entire issue of The Lantern

12:33 - Walk around the building and drop off any mail that didn't make it out earlier.

12:40 - Space out at my desk (but it looks like I'm working)

01:20 - Read the major headlines of the day from various news websites

01:45 - Flirt with Melissa as she comes down to pick up the student mail.

02:00 - Growing ever more bored, fire up AIM and start talking to other people who aren't doing anything (but aren't getting paid, either)

03:00 - Whoo, I'm exhausted, time for a break, better get another Cherry Coke

03:30 - Increasingly more bored, write this blog post

04:00 - Exchange humorous stories with my boss on anything ranging from politics to plant biology.

04:30 - Leave half an hour early with pay

I have received pay raises and outstanding service awards for doing this shit.

I know, I know, it infuriates you... I don't do anything, I will be the first to agree with you. If they gave me more tasks to accomplish, I would gladly complete them. Fact is, they dont and I don't complain.

It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.

So that's my administrative career right there in a nutshell... when you break it down, I really only do about 37 minutes of actual work in an 8 hour day. Later, I will explain how this job has persuaded me into a new career choice.

This post was written at Document Services, a division of the University Registrar, during a work day where I wasted approximately $74.00 of your tuition money... sorry.