Fw: Fw: Fw: DERP!
Forwards. I fucking hate forwards.
I checked my email today, like I do every other day of my life. '12 New Messages' the screen flashes back at me. Damn, I thought, I must be in high demand today. So I open up the inbox and I'm greeted with three offers to enlarge my penis, one to re-finance my home, four porno emails, and four forwards from my grandmother.
"Corey," I hear you say, "Old people can't use computers, how could your grandmother do that?" Well, you are absolutely right, I have never met a card carrying AARP member that could boot up a computer. Because of this very reason, my family decided some years back to get my grandparents a WebTV so we could talk to them while they were in Florida. Worst desicion ever. Why? Well here's a sampling of one of the many things I get from this sweet woman everyday.
Bible Proved Correct by NASA!
> Finally, a Christian man on the team said, "You know, one time I was in
> Sunday School and they talked about the sun standing still. "While they
> didn't believe him, they didn't have an answer either, so they said, "Show
> us." He got a Bible and went back to the book of Joshua where they found a
> pretty ridiculous statement for any one with "common sense." There they
found the Lord saying to Joshua, "Fear them not, I have delivered them into thy hand; there shall not a man of them stand before thee." Joshua
was concerned because he was surrounded by the enemy and if darkness fell they would overpower them. So Joshua asked the Lord to make the sun stand
> still!!! That's right-"The sun stood still and the moon stayed-and hasted not to go down about a whole day!!! " (Joshua10:12-13)
The scientists said, "There is the missing day!" They had the computers
> going back into the time it was written and found it was close but not
> close enough. The elapsed time that was missing back in Joshua's day was
> 23 hours and 20 minutes-not a whole day. They read the Bible and there
> it was "about (approximately) a day" These little words in the Bible are
> important, but they were still in trouble because if you cannot account
for 40 minutes you'll still be in trouble 1,000 years from now. Forty minutes had to be found because it can be multiplied many times over in orbits.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love my grandmother, and I don't have any terrible grudges with people believing the Bible... but this is quite possibly the most BULLSHIT story I have ever heard in my life. The very idea that people believe NASA computers could go back in time and find a missing day makes me want to go into a seizure. Is there no common sense left in the world?
I suppose it's fitting then, that the company responsible for this terrible WebTV invention is Microsoft.
Corey "I've choked bigger men than you" Spring
I checked my email today, like I do every other day of my life. '12 New Messages' the screen flashes back at me. Damn, I thought, I must be in high demand today. So I open up the inbox and I'm greeted with three offers to enlarge my penis, one to re-finance my home, four porno emails, and four forwards from my grandmother.
"Corey," I hear you say, "Old people can't use computers, how could your grandmother do that?" Well, you are absolutely right, I have never met a card carrying AARP member that could boot up a computer. Because of this very reason, my family decided some years back to get my grandparents a WebTV so we could talk to them while they were in Florida. Worst desicion ever. Why? Well here's a sampling of one of the many things I get from this sweet woman everyday.
Bible Proved Correct by NASA!
> Finally, a Christian man on the team said, "You know, one time I was in
> Sunday School and they talked about the sun standing still. "While they
> didn't believe him, they didn't have an answer either, so they said, "Show
> us." He got a Bible and went back to the book of Joshua where they found a
> pretty ridiculous statement for any one with "common sense." There they
found the Lord saying to Joshua, "Fear them not, I have delivered them into thy hand; there shall not a man of them stand before thee." Joshua
was concerned because he was surrounded by the enemy and if darkness fell they would overpower them. So Joshua asked the Lord to make the sun stand
> still!!! That's right-"The sun stood still and the moon stayed-and hasted not to go down about a whole day!!! " (Joshua10:12-13)
The scientists said, "There is the missing day!" They had the computers
> going back into the time it was written and found it was close but not
> close enough. The elapsed time that was missing back in Joshua's day was
> 23 hours and 20 minutes-not a whole day. They read the Bible and there
> it was "about (approximately) a day" These little words in the Bible are
> important, but they were still in trouble because if you cannot account
for 40 minutes you'll still be in trouble 1,000 years from now. Forty minutes had to be found because it can be multiplied many times over in orbits.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love my grandmother, and I don't have any terrible grudges with people believing the Bible... but this is quite possibly the most BULLSHIT story I have ever heard in my life. The very idea that people believe NASA computers could go back in time and find a missing day makes me want to go into a seizure. Is there no common sense left in the world?
I suppose it's fitting then, that the company responsible for this terrible WebTV invention is Microsoft.
Corey "I've choked bigger men than you" Spring
