What I'm Really Learning From College

Oh yeah...

2006-08-08T21:41:00.000-04:00

For the 9 people still tracking this old blog - I work for Netscape now.

Here are a few news articles about it.

Summer Updates

2006-07-09T20:03:00.000-04:00

Still working for U Weekly over the summer, Buckeye TV is shut down for the summer, and I'll be spending another year at the lovely Ohio State University.

Remember, this isn't the place to come for updates on me though, I'm just telling you because people seem to still visit this site. Look for me on Cowtown and Newsvine column, instead.

Moooove It

2006-04-25T21:50:00.000-04:00

Update those links and bookmarks, kids, Cowtown is now available at:

http://uweekly.com/cowtown

Also, followup on the post below: Farva is working on a way so all three of you Mac users out there can watch the live Buckeye TV stream on Quicktime.

Buckeye TV Webstream Back in Action

2006-04-24T23:06:00.000-04:00

An issue I keep revisiting at my newly appointed post as VP of Programming at Buckeye TV is 'how can we expand our audience.' Granted the size of our current audience is one of the largest campuses in America - plus every room in our award-winning hospital system - which is really nothing at all to sniff at... but there is such a bigger market to tap.

One major step our station took towards this goal was establishing an Internet2 connection with other universities - which in turn allowed us to become one of the pioneering members of the Open Student Television Network - which is a 24/7 consortium of 100% student produced content. Member stations range from Akron to Harvard, and everywhere in between. But I didn't write this post to toot our horn on OSTN (okay well maybe a little, the guys at our station have worked really hard to make it happen).

As of 11.04pm tonight, I am happy to report that anyone with a broadband connection to the interweb can once again receive a real-time feed of our station, any time - day or night. All thanks to our VP of Operations and IT guy - whom we affectionately call Farva.

We used to offer this stream before, but the server it was on could not really handle the task when many users were logged on. Tonight, Farva installed a new server and reconfigured the way the video stream is accessed, so we shouldn't run into this problem again. There are still some little glitches to be ironed out, but nothing you will really notice in the meantime.

The stream can be accessed from Buckeye TV's website or directly at mms://buckitv.osu.edu/btvwebstream

Mac users - sorry, you need Windows Media Player. Our station is hopelessly shackled to Windows. We have one Mac and it almost got thrown into the Olentangy River today by our software developer.

Cowtown is Coming

2006-04-24T20:19:00.000-04:00

Hey, hey, hey Corey fans! The new UWeekly blog - Livin' in Cowtown - goes public this Wednesday. It's going to be geared primarily for the same demographic as our UWeekly readers - 18-24ish college folks around Columbus. For the most part - that's you guys! It should be pretty entertaining and engaging particularly if you live/have lived in Columbus. My first article is about the USG (undergraduate student government) and might raise a few eyebrows ;)

For my readers, I will post the link to Cowtown in this space tomorrow night, before UWeekly hits the stands on Wednesday (the USG article will also be in the print edition, I believe). I'm doing this because I know I have many readers here who had best follow my antics from this spot to that one ;)

Check back tomorrow!

Knowing When You're Good

2006-04-22T20:04:00.000-04:00

The first time I ever had an "ah ha" moment that I might actually be a good journalist was when Michel Gondry, the award-winning director of Eternal Sunshine and Dave Chappelle's Block Party, personally invited to watch a screening of one of his films with him and a couple of my co-workers, after having a good interview with Dave Chappelle. Long story short - we ended up not being able to see it because the film couldn't be flown to Ohio in time.

Yeah, that's a very cool and surreal experience. A decidedly uncool experience, however, was when I really realized that I might be good:

People start copying me.

Unlike my last post, where a 'rival' paper was late to the punch on a story I already wrote on, this case was a 'Corey Spring copy-paste' from the article I wrote at Newsvine.

Some say it's a nice compliment, but honestly, I don't think I've ever had a compliment that has pissed me off more. Comments are turned off on this one, because I don't think there is anymore to be said that wasn't said in the article and discussion here.

The Lantern - Late to the Punch Again

2006-04-17T10:55:00.000-04:00

I was on The Lantern's website at work this morning, and came across this article:

Film displays plight of Ugandan children - Campus

You'll also find it on the front page of today's issue. It's a nice article that chronicles the journeys of several young filmmakers as they delve into Uganda and gain a firsthand look at the injustices many Ugandan children face and heartbreaking situations they are forced into. It's quite a touching article, really.

I liked it the first time, though, when I wrote it over 6 weeks ago for UWeekly.

Invisible Children: Finding a story to change the world - UWeekly - March 1st

Looks like they are a little late to the punch on this one - another fine example of The Lantern and the non-accredited journalism program at Thee Ohio State University.

Pack it up, Pack it in

2006-04-11T20:30:00.000-04:00

Let me begin.

It looks like postings here are going to get more infrequent... at least for the time being - though it is for a good reason.

My paper, U Weekly, is going to pay me to write a blog for them, which basically be about the same stuff I write about here and probably to a lesser extent, on Newsvine. I'm not going to abandon either here or Newsvine, but I'll be taking my A-Game, so to speak, to U Weekly... because, uh, you know... they are paying me to do what I do anyway.

It will go live next week, I haven't thought of a title or anything like that just yet, but I will post back here with the web address when all that is ironed out.

It's Spring Time, Bitch

2006-03-29T09:47:00.000-05:00

Hey all, as you can see, we made it back from the trip in mostly one piece - minus one destroyed tent and plus one speeding ticket for Tingley. I wrote a little blurb for U Weekly about the trip that came out today, so grab a copy of that (me and my buddy Colin account for 50% of the staff's stories, haha). For the non-Columbus folks, or my really, really, lazy friends (you know who you are girls), here's a link.

Just as I foresaw many years ago, someone is finally paying me to live my life exactly as I normally do, and tell them about it - what a sweet gig.

Also, while I'm shamelessly patting myself on the back, if you are looking to read more stuff I have written with more of a newsy slant, check out my column on Newsvine. The most recent one of my long standing hatred of Wal-Mart touched off an unexpected heated debate.

Ok, I'm off my high horse now, I gotta get back to work.

2006-03-25T00:41:00.000-05:00

Halfway Home

2006-03-22T21:33:00.000-05:00

Hey all, just got to Houston, Texas, at Marilena's school place here - we're going to go out to see the nightlife here in a little bit. Today we left Texana State Park and went over to Gavelston Bay, walked around the Kemba (sp?) Boardwalk, which was fun. Tomorrow we will have lunch here and then leave for Rayville, Louisiana, where Latimer's grandma lives. We'll spend the night there then head for Nashville, Tennessee, see a show or something there, get a hotel, and head for home the next day - we should be home by 3.30pm on Saturday. That's all for now, I might post some pictures after we get home, but not right now. Later all.

2006-03-19T23:26:00.000-05:00

Spring Break - Day One

2006-03-18T10:16:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone, greetings from my friend Marilena's place in Austin, Texas. We're a day ahead of schedule and off to see the Alamo and Padre Island later today. Last night I drove through some pretty heavy rain in Dallas, but it's all good now.

Anyway, here's some picures from the first day of the trip. While in St. Louis we:

Ate at our first Sonic (it was delicious)
Went to the Great Arch
Toured the Budweiser Brewery
Got mildly lost

I'm off to shower and shave - see ya later!

Great American Road Trip

2006-03-16T03:44:00.000-05:00

Have your Ft. Lauderdale, keep your Cancun, and save Panama for another day - I'm doing something more interesting this Spring Break - The Great American Road Trip.

Tingley, Jackie, and I will be leaving Columbus in scarce over an hour from now to make our journey to Padre Island, TX. On the way we will see numerous springs, beautiful forest, America's roads, and the inside of an Anheuser-Busch brewery - not bad for the first day.

By Saturday we will catch and pick up Latimer from Austin, TX and see the nightlife 6th Street has to offer. The next four days will be comprised of finding out whether things really are bigger and better in Texas, as we sit on the beach and sip oh so unholy drinks.

And hey, this is the 21st century, we ain't taking no damn AAA route to the southern part of America. I've got a state of the art GPS system hooked into my laptop which will be wired into Tingley's truck, accurately tracking our speed, location, bearing, and elevation from twelve satellites far above the earth. For a rough guess of where we are on certain days - check this out.

Jackie will be keeping an 'analog' journal of our trip in her notebook. However, not to be outdone, I will continue to make posts on this blog, despite the scarcity of internet access. How you ask? I have a phone number I can dial into and record a message that will automatically post on this page. Hey I told you this was the freakin' 21st century, screw paper.

Enjoy your time away from school everyone - I'll meet you in St. Louis.

TGIF

2006-02-24T13:57:00.000-05:00

I don't think I'm breaking any new ground here, but Fridays are Fan-fucking-tastic.

At the paper I work for, our deadline is on Friday afternoon. Which this week meant I had to get up early and watch a (heartbreaking) documentary then condense it to 800 words, brush up on whatever Mos Def is up to, and hammer out a final article on the snowboarding thing I did earlier (see last post). There's really no greater feeling in the world then knowing when you are done for the week... particularly if you can celebrate this occasion over a beer and some wings at Happy Hour.

Here's the intro to the article I wrote on snowboarding. It comes out March 1st.

"One Sunday morning, and by morning I mean 1 o'clock in the afternoon, the entertainment staffers at our humble paper were kicking around ideas for stories that we thought would be, well, entertaining. Eventually someone had the thought that it would be interesting to read an article where we put some poor bastard in extreme situations that he had never been in before and then write about them. Well ladies and gentlemen, my name is Corey Spring, and I am that poor bastard. Welcome to the first in a recurring series where U Weekly tries to get me killed."

Thank God It's Friday.

Snow Day

2006-02-21T01:34:00.000-05:00

A new UWeekly entertainment feature is where we send some poor bastard on these 'extreme' and 'crazy' adventures and he writes a funny little informative article about the experience provided he doesn't get himself killed.

Friends, I am that poor bastard.

Earlier tonight my friend Kate and I went out to Mad River Mountain to go snowboarding, the first article in this series. It was quite an enjoyable experience (except for the wrecked cop car that kept us stuck on 270 for about an hour). The staff there was incredibly helpful and friendly, and they had one of their top guys, Roger, give us a few lessons before hitting the slopes, since I had never been skiing or snowboarding (half the point of the story). My article on it doesn't come out til March 1st, but until then I'd thought I'd throw up some pictures from the day.

Enjoy

http://www.flickr.com/photos/14641413@N00/sets/72057594067874101/

The REAL Winners and Losers of The Super Bowl

2006-02-05T21:03:00.000-05:00

The Super Bowl. It's the battle to see who's the best of the best, the toughest of the tough. Okay, it's usually a battle to see if the team you hate the least will win or not. The real winners and losers in the Super Bowl, however, are usually no where near the field.

Advertisers are the real players in this game. A good Super Bowl advertising campaign can gain massive exposure for a company and turn it around. Don't believe me, think of Apple's 1984 commercial -- it told us virtually nothing about the Macintosh, and yet, people still talk about it today. There's also GoDaddy.com, formerly just a website in a sea of many that will register you a dot com name. Then a series of Super Bowl ad campaigns has turned it into one of the most popular domain name registration sites. Many dotcoms have also put all their eggs in one hat with Super Bowl commercials and gone bust when the new customers never showed up. Yes indeed, it's quite the day for CEO's to play Russian Roulette.

So with this in mind, here is my completely biased look at the real winners and losers on Super Bowl Sunday.

Loser - Burger King

From the people that brought you chicken fries comes a song and dance number reminiscent of the Ziegfeld Follies. I wonder how much this commercial cost to produce. Certainly, there's nothing wrong with having a big budget for a commercial, in fact, some of the best ever HAVE to cost a lot of money. But, can you recoup the losses of your own advertising budget? If the answer is no, then you don't go through with the campaign, that simple, it's like spending money you don't have, you can do it, but it's usually a poor decision. And why is it a poor decision for BK? Well, they sell Whoppers, that's why. And most everyone who wants a whopper, is already going to get one whether or not they say a bunch of hot girls dressed as ketchup and mayo. My point is, it's not likely to bring in a few million extra dollars, which is likely what this song and dance show cost. Maybe that's why they haven't had a commercial here in eleven years.

Winner - MacGyver

Finally, MacGyver returns to the airwaves in a Mastercard commercial. Yes, it's complete with stunts and explosions and the typical MacGyver fare, and was almost certainly more expensive to produce than BK's, but it still wins by a mile. Why? Um, hello, maybe because it's freaking MacGyver so shut the hell up, ok? In all seriousness, using Richard Dean Anderson to send up MacGyver in this manner is a brilliant move for Mastercard. Isn't it obvious? How many guys watching the Super Bowl, old and young alike, were/are MacGyver fans? It's a number I project to be at least in the hundreds of millions. This causes all these viewers to talk about this commercial the next time they see one of their buddies, which causes him to tell a friend, and on and on we go. Spending a buttload of money to get Richard Dean Anderson escape from a building with an air freshener = 7 million dollars. Word of mouth advertising = Priceless.

News Junkies - Listen Up

2006-02-04T21:10:00.000-05:00

It's probably no secret I'm a news junkie. When I'm not writing the news, I'm usually checking out the latest stuff on CNN or Google News. Both of those have their drawbacks, though. For instance, have you ever seen the Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer on CNN? The entire purpose of this show is to rape every orifice of your body with up to the second headlines and video from around the world. Yeah, his name is Wolf Blitzer, but Wolf, let go of that terrible hold on my balls with that information, would you.

Google News is a fine service in and of itself, but only a few stories at a time are on their front page, and sometimes they are there for days at a time. Seems like the exact opposite definition of news, doesn't i? Plus, the whole editing process is done by an algorithm inside a computer... which many believe is great, because it can't be biased. However, the News business has a certain degree of humanity to it, which perhaps should not be removed. If only there were some sort of news source where everyone had a say instead, let the readers be the algorithm.

Well, there is. It's called Newsvine, and it rocked the boxer shorts right off me the first time I logged on (Okay, you got me, I don't wear underwear... not ever).

It's hard to describe Newsvine, but essentially, it's displays stories from the AP (where most news outlets get their news from, or, in the case of The Lantern, where the newspaper is copied and pasted from) and ESPN. It displays more news and you can submit any other site, or write your own article. It's a lot easier to just try it out then have someone describe it, however.

Here's the catch, though. Newsvine is invite only, while they work some of the bugs out. Fear not, dear reader. Being the news junkie that I am, I already have a Newsvine account, and if you'd like to give it a test drive, just leave a comment below and I'll hook you up.

(Unless you're some random douche... i.e - see below)

Fun with Facebook Photo Search

2006-01-28T12:04:00.000-05:00

Most of my readers are facebook users -- if you aren't either go to college or sit this entry out.

Here is yet another way to kill time on facebook. You can search for pictures of a person just by typing their name in. Facebook doesn't show you how to do this but I will.

This is all you need to know if you're at OSU, just cut and paste this URL into your browser, at the very end, type in the name you'd like to search for.

http://osu.facebook.com/photo_search.php?name=

Example:

If I wanted to find pictures of Finke, who doesn't have facebook, I would type
http://osu.facebook.com/photo_search.php?name=Jason Finke

and up pops some pics of goofy ass Finke.

If you want to search for pictures of someone at a different school, just change the osu to whatever it is for the school you want.

Example:

If I want to search for pictures of beer at Ohio University I type
http://ou.facebook.com/photo_search.php?name=beer

Now that you know how to do it, it's time to have some fun. For instances, look at all the dumbasses that pop up when you do a search on Beer.

If you do a search on douche, you get the following:

A clearly not at all creepy guy holding an actual douche in the Ohio State Marching Band room.

And this piece of shit.

The affectionate term of Shit head reveals to us, this scathing editorial of a school up North.

Pretty self-explanatory

Feeling ever more bold to see what I would find on facebook, I searched for dickhead, but alas, there were no results. Apparently there are no dickheads at Ohio State. However, a search on dick yielded this PSA made by an RA:

So now, go out into the facebook world with your newfound knowledge and see what kind of random shit you find out there. For those that think this may simply be a flaw in the security system of facebook, don't be so sure. The people who programmed this site seem to know about it and have a sense of humor to boot. Skeptical? Do a search for 'fag' or 'gay'

Oh and if you stumble on this site because you heard your photo was on my blog, then stop being a douche and posting your pictures all over facebook.

Suck it, Stern

2006-01-23T21:19:00.000-05:00

Update: See, I am the king of all media. I just bought out UPN and the WB

On Wednesday, January 25th, 2006, Howard Stern will cease to be the king of all media, and be replaced by none other than me.

Sort of.

On Wednesday, my first article in UWeekly will be released, thereby making me a published employee of every major form of media - television, radio, and print. Getting paid for two out of three of these ain't too shabby either, since I'm a starry eyed 21 year old yet to graduate from college (TV doesn't pay, I get class credit).

Granted, this is no hard hitting journalism, I write for the Arts and Entertainment, affectionately known to dimwitted college students as "The Hookup." However, this is what I like, and this is what I want to do. Yeah, I've done news reporting before, but honestly, it's so boring. Everything is sensationalized to make things that are mundane seem entertaining and things that are tragic a form of entertainment. No thanks - Given the choice, I'd like to start with something that is supposed to be sensational and entertaining to begin with, instead of trumping up a story most people don't care about.

Anyway, pick up a UWeekly this week - it's at least 200% more fun to read than some other crap out there.

A snippet from Wednesday's bit on Underworld: Evolution

I’ll be honest, I went into this movie expecting very little. A night out watching vampires and werewolves fight to a bloody death and then have sex with each other just doesn’t seem to be very fulfilling. However, I was pleasantly surprised by how this film delivered. Kate Beckinsale again brings an intense and passionate portrayal to the screen as the “death dealer” Selene. The fact that she isn’t very hard on the eyes in her skin-tight leather outfit is not a drawback either.

For the rest, check out a copy of uweekly on campus, or online at www.uweekly.com

Next week I'll be reviewing Annapolis (and maybe talking to James Franco), and interviewing Avenged Sevenfold.

Howard Stern... king of all media, my ass.

In Memoriam

2006-01-21T03:13:00.000-05:00

It's been a year since that terrible day
Sometimes the days are easy, sometimes they are bad
I wish I knew why, I wish I knew another way;
But I can't change it, it's in the past, and it will always make me sad.

You are loved just as much now as when you were alive
We didn't show it, and we didn't say it all the time
But know that we did, and now we go on without you and survive.

You were a wonderful friend
And you still are, as you watch over us
No matter what anyone says, leaving us was not the end.
I believe the end is really the beginning
Not the beginning being the end
And one day, we will join together again
Our hearts, yours and ours, will mend.

Rest in Peace, Matthew.

http://community.webshots.com/user/mattspics05

2005: Looking Back

2005-12-31T07:00:00.000-05:00

2005 was a pivotal year in my life, the lives of my friends, and the lives of many Americans. In the last 365 days we have seen happiness and heartache alike. Many of gained and quit new jobs, we lost people close to us, as well as gained new folks close to our heart. Nationwide, many Americans in the South were left devastated by Hurricane Katrina. Halfway across the world, many in the Far East have spent the last year trying to rebuild their lives after a devastating tsunami.

In my own life, 2005 started off tragically, as I and the people close to me lost a dear friend, for reasons we will most likely never know, a devastating loss that is still felt today.

Gone but not forgotten

Time passed as it tends to, and months later would find my 21st birthday. A bittersweet milestone signifying that I am no longer a kid, yet, can also get drunk at Applebee's if I so please. 2005 would also find more friends like Adrienne and the late comer Latimer hitting this junction in their lives.

A (now) roommate tradition

Classes at Ohio State continued, well, for most people. Spring quarter found Nick and I drinking most every day due to our painfully easy class schedules. Really more astonishing for Nick than me, since I take JCOM classes and he now changes control rods in nuclear power plants. Nevertheless, from Brother's to Too's. Four Keg's to case races, it was good bonding time, irregardless of how much alcohol and cheap wings fueled it.

At Brother's

Spring began to turn into early summer. Ah yes, the beginning of summer, the temperature's not too hot, but school's not quite done, and it's a perfect time for me to get mugged. And then taken to the ER for a weeklong stay in the hospital. And later, gaining a sprained ankle with a near hairline fracture. Most of this sucked, but at least I was discharged on May 5th, 2005. Why
do I remember that? No, not because of the insane OSU Medical Center bills, but because it was Cinco de Mayo.

05/05/05

Shortly after my stay in the hospital, I took a thankless, underpaid job as a master control board operator at NPR 820AM, and ended my 3 year career stint in the Registrar's office. Early summer also brings with it the end of school - which on this particular year, meant many friends graduating, but in particular, it meant Laura, Marilena, and Nick would be saying goodbye to Columbus.... after the requisite Senior Crawl and graduation parties... of course.

Senior Crawl '05 - Varsity Club

Leading up to Nick's Insane Graduation Party

Marilena's Going Away Party

Farewell 40 Hand's at Laura's

Around the same time Mike Quade moved in with us for the summer. This isn't particularly noteworthy, I will just always laugh when I think of watching him accidentally shoot out a car window with our BB gun.

The highlight of Summer 2005 could quite possibly have been laying waste to Spinnaker's on July 4th. There's a certain sense of accomplishment for being directly responsible for a business not turning a profit on the last day it is open.... among other reasons why that night rocked.

Red, White, and Doom -brought to you by these sexy bartenders

After hitting that high, summer quickly dropped into a lifeless routine as friends came and left Columbus (in some cases, the country). Summer became a repitition of work (or looking for it), occasionally highlighted by hanging out with Neil Diamond at the Schott, but not Ozzy Osbourne at the Germain (son of a bitch couldn't even come to his own damn show). The summer was so dull, the president and FEMA seemed to still be on vacation when Katrina hit...

Eventually the weather cooled back down and September reared it's head once more. To mark the occasion, I quit my job at NPR, and gained a new one watching a computer lab in the design department. Not suprisingly, this much easier job also paid more than my previous job of being completely responsible for a public radio station on the weekends. Irony - she is quite the bitch.

October came, and with it Halloween and Halloween parties. (Incidentally, if Tim Payne or any of the Hollabacks are reading this, neither of you have reimbursed me for keg deposits.)

PartyBot 3000, Old Prospector, Batman, and Bruce Dickinson

Leaves slowly, but eventually changed their colors as Fall continued onward. Some of the boys and I went to Michigan (and jumped in Mirror Lake beforehand) for the ol' rivalry game - directly followed by Thanksgiving dinner.

Is it still on fire?

And just like that, after coming back from Thanksgiving holiday, we found ourselves vamping up for Christmas. At the same time, exams and work continued to rob us of time, while several others were simultaneously (and finally) hitting their 21 mark.

Traditions continue

Add in some time with the family and a few days for yourself, and you find yourself where I am now - at 7.00am on the morning of New Year's Eve, looking back and reflecting on the last 52 weeks of your life, and wondering where the hell they went. You wonder if they have passed so fast, what will the next 525,600 minutes in your life bring, what unpredictable tragedy and happiness could be in store?

Guess I'll tell you in a year.

Vaya Con Dios, Phone

2005-12-29T22:49:00.000-05:00

To the tune of Ode to My Car by Adam Sandler

Piece of shit phone
I got a piece of shit phone
That fuckin’ pile of shit
Never stays on very long

My phone's a big piece of shit
’cause the camera is fucking shot
And my screen is fucking broken
It stays on and gets so hot
(it’s a piece of shit)

I can’t keep it turned on
’cause the battery's got a big fucking’ crack
And the speakerphone sucks real bad
’cause I spilled water from my CamelBack
(it’s a piece of shit)

Oh fuck you phone.

HOWTO: Never Pay For Ringtones

2005-12-08T04:18:00.000-05:00

You don't want to buy ringtones. I can't blame you. Most of the ones you can buy through your phone are way overpriced and suck it hard. If you order some from one of those annoying tv commercials, you'll pay about 30 bucks a month for the privilege of hearing Kanye West when someone calls you. So what else can you do?

You can stick it to the man - and I'll show you how.

As you all know, I got a new phone with Verizon; I like it, it's simple yet sophisticated. What I don't like are the shit ass ringtones that come with my phone. Who wants to here Beethoven when your friends call? I believe you could get your ass kicked for doing something like that. I need AC/DC, Tenacious D, and Silvertide not The Entertainer.

So, here's how you make a ringtone from your own music and get it on your phone, without the pain of having to bend over to buy it.

Step One
Pick out an mp3 and the part of the song you want to use for your ringtone (duh). Load this mp3 file into any sound editor. (If you aren't familiar with sound editing very much , use Nero Wave Editor, it comes with a lot of cd burners. I use Adobe Audition.) Trim the mp3 to just the part you want to be your ringer, make it no more than 30 seconds.

Step Two (Optional)
If you are comfortable with sound editing, go into the Edit menu and select Convert Sample Type. By default, your file is probably at 44100hz. Sample this to a lower preset value, and also select Mono. Doing this will provide for less distortion when the ringer is on your phone, but you probably won't notice if you don't do it (I'm neurotic, so I notice and fix these things).

Step Three
Save your file as a .wav. Simple enough.

Step Four
Download this simple file and unzip the folder.

Step Five
Run wscma2u.exe from this folder. It will simply tell you to drag your .wav file into the box. It will ask for the name you want the new file to be - make it anything you want without spaces. Click through and close this program. A new file will appear in the folder - yourtitle.mmf "whateveryounamedit.mmf"

Step Six (Important!)
Rename the .mmf on this file to .mid
(If you can't view these file extensions, go to control panel --> folder options and turn on view file extensions)

Step Seven
Send it to your phone. Fire up your Gmail, Yahoo, whatever, and compose a new email. Attach the .mid file you just made. Here is where you are going to send it to

If you are on Verizon Wireless, send the email to xxxxxxxxxx@vzwpix.com
If you are on Cingular, send the email to xxxxxxxxxx@mms.mycingular.com
If you are on Alltel (God help you), send it to xxxxxxxxxx@message.alltel.com (i think)
If you are on Sprint, send it to xxxxxxxxxx@messaging.sprintpcs.com
If you are on T-Mobile, send to xxxxxxxxxx@tmomail.net

The x's are where your cell number goes (without dashes). On Verizon it costs around a quarter to get one of these messages sent to your phone, the other ones are similiar in cost. If you will want to do a lot of sending files to your phone, you might want to invest in a ten dollar shipped data cable for your phone off ebay. This will plus your phone into your usb port and allow you to transfer from your computer.

EDIT: I have heard of one person who could not get the ringtone to play correctly when emailing it, everyone else has been able to email it fine. Your mileage may vary.

Step Eight
Twiddle your thumbs for about 5 minutes until the
message comes. When it does, open it up, list to its sweet goodness, and then click apply as ringtone.

If you are completely computer illiterate, I'm told smashthetones.com will do this grunt work for you for for free as well, but I haven't bothered to check them out.

Well that about covers it. I know Latimer wanted me to post this stuff so maybe the rest of you can get some use out of it too.

Also, these tunes you create will work on your phone even if it does not have mp3 player capabilities. Give it a shot, worst that happens is you are out a quarter.

Next up, I'll be killing my old phone and posting pics here up of it.

You Get to Destroy My Phone

2005-12-04T05:10:00.000-05:00

It's 5.15am on Sunday morning, and I'm lying awake in bed. I have to work in several hours but I can not fall asleep. Like an Alzheimer's patient, I briefly think about opening up my cellphone and scrolling through the contacts to see who might be awake right now - until I remember my phone doesn't allow this. I hate my phone.

Maybe it started the day I was talking on it in the rain, or maybe it was one of the many times I dropped it while enjoying a pint of ale at the local tavern; I'm not certain the exact day it contracted consumer electronic cancer, but it's been on life support ever since.

A lot of people say their phone sucks because it doesn't have Bluetooth or an MP3 player in it. If any of these people are reading this, I would like to invite you to shove a Bluetooth up your ass. I must say a prayer every time I dial a number, as the screen on the inside shows only white, and the one on the outside is cracked. Also, did I mention my phone randomly turns itself on and off while in the middle of a phone call?

Granted, I have had this little guy for about two years. Now, I can see how it's really hard to build an electronic device that will actually function normally for two years. After all, it's not like the phone companies have access to the technology present in my 15 year old Gameboy or anything.

After powering my little phone on after this weekend, it informed me I had 12 new voice messages - all calls I should have received were Alltel able to provide me with a phone that held a charge longer than 45 minutes. It was at this point, I had small but life-threatening seizure. When I recovered, I immediately ordered a new phone and service from Verizon.

This is the part where you come in.

Though I am happy I should be using my new phone by Monday or Tuesday, the question remains what to do with my old beat up jalopy of a cell phone. Though I considered several twisted and hilarious ways to destroy this thing, I remembered I have friends that might even be more sick and twisted than me. Since this little compendium of my thoughts is read Texas, California, Switzerland, and everywhere in between, I figured it's worth asking:

What is the best possible way to destroy my phone?

Click 'comments' below (you don't have to sign up to use it) or shoot me an IM with your suggestion. I'll post pictures of the carnage here once the deed is done.

Nick Burns to the Rescue

2005-11-27T14:38:00.000-05:00

You could say I have somewhat of a reputation as being Ohio State's resident Nick Burns. Why? Maybe it's because after working at Micro Center, I can't bear to see people pay to have the simplest computer problems fixed. Maybe it's because I'm just a lot smarter than you - whatever, I'm not here to point fingers at who may or may not be as computer literate as a chimpanzee. Today I'm going to do you all some good and show you how to make your computing life much easier with the following programs.... unless you use a Mac. If you use a Mac - fuck you.

Firefox Extensions

If you do not already have Firefox, you can just stop right there, beat yourself over the head with a 2x4 or similar blunt object and come back when you get it. The extensions below will make your life a lot easier

Adblock + Adblock Filterset - Download and install these two guys together and you won't see about 98% of the ads on the internet again. Does this defeat the purpose of most companies business model for the internet - Yes. Do I care - No, and I doubt very much you will either.
Customize Google - After you install this, go to Tools --> Extensions --> Options. Here you can get rid of the other 2% of the ads on the internet by eliminating them from Google and Gmail, among other features.
Get 1-ClickWeather - if you're still using that terrible spyware piece of crap Weatherbug.

Check out the Firefox website for more extensions you might like.

Get Rid of Spam in Your OSU Account with Gmail

I don't know about you, but I get about 60 offers for penis pills a day. No matter how many times I tell these companies I have a large penis already, I continue to get the emails. Here's a simple fix - if you have a Gmail account (another thing you should get if you don't have), you can have your OSU mail forwarded to it, and Gmail will filter out the crap automatically. You have to forward your OSU mail to something after you graduate anyway, so you might as well do it now. Here's OIT's online form to set it up - it's quite painless. If you're at a different school, I'm sure there's a similar process at your Information Technology office.

AiMutation

A tool that integrates with Instant Messenger to give you tabs on your IM's, automatic logging of all your messages, ability to give your buddies alias (so scoobydoobydooLOL53 displays as Jason, for example), and of course, gets rid of those damn AOL ads. I think this is better than using DeadAIM or, God forbid, AIM by itself.

Peer Guardian 2

If I had to take a guess, I would say you don't want to be sued for downloading music/movies/goat porn/ whatever (I support doing none of those... well, maybe the goat porn). Peer Guardian 2 is a tool that will block connections from your computer to untrustworthy sources like the RIAA, MPAA, or Vardin Kushnir, depending on how you configure it. Stays in your taskbar so you can turn protection on and off easily. For stalkers out there, I would disable it when you browse the web, it sometimes blocks images from some websites, among them, Facebook.

iTunes Art Importer

If you use iTunes, get iTunes AI to import the album art for all your songs automatically - works with all versions of iTunes. Again this is for Windows only - suck on it Mac users. Suck it long, suck it hard, and when you're done sucking on that, just keep on sucking.

I hope these little tips serve you well in your computing experience, and also get you the hell off of my back with your crybaby computer problems for awhile.

Finally, while you're obviously already screwing around on the internet trying to kill time, check out my roommate's eBay auction for an autographed System of a Down Ibanez guitar. He won it in a contest a few years ago by designing a new logo for SOAD. Might make a good Christmas present for the crazy metal fan in your family.

Ann Arbor is a Whore

2005-11-21T21:50:00.000-05:00

Sort of.

This weekend several of my friends and I trekked to Ann Arbor, Michigan to support Ohio State in their last football game of the regular season. If you are unaware of how big a rivalry Ohio State vs. Michigan is - you must have been living in a cave all your life.... on Mars. We proudly don our Fuck Michigan shirts sold to us by shady street vendors every year - how else will others know that we believe Ann Arbor to be a whore?

At Ohio State we have a slew of school sanctioned events that comprise "Beat Michigan Week." The university fully encourages us to, well, hate Michigan. Many of us even spell it M*ch*g*n because it is such a foul word. Hell, Woody Hayes (who, by the way, is from my hometown, Newcomerstown, Ohio) would only refer to it as "that school up North."

Before Nick, Sab, Tim, Tingley and I headed up north, we first of course, had to jump in Mirror Lake. Why, would anyone in their right mind, jump in a lake at 12am when the temperature is a "balmy" 22 degrees? If you ask any average Ohio State student, they will all tell you the same thing - I don't know. It's just what you do the Thursday night before a Michigan game. We're in college. We're dumb. (Sidenote: if you really do want to know why we jump in Mirror Lake, check out this article from our god awful school newspaper - The Lantern. God, I hate The Lantern.)

So frenzied is our celebration at Mirror Lake, it usually costs the university anywhere from 10-30,000 dollars just to clean it up. Not to mention all the diseases in this so called "lake." But hey, whatever, college students are indestructible, 30 grand is a pocket change to our school, oh, and as a bonus, it's a nice little Fuck You to the environment.

Anyway, Friday arrives and we load up Nick's Jeep Cherokee to head "north until you smell shit, and west until you step in it." Funny thing about a Jeep Cherokee:

This does not seat nor sleep five people comfortably.

How do you deal with such close quarters on a 4-5 hour drive? Well, you don't drink a case of beer in the car, I'll tell you that much. That would be both irresponsible, dangerous, and illegal.

Upon immediately arriving in Michigan, Tim and Tingley realized where they were and what they had to do

Pee on Michigan

With that formality out of the way, we continued into Ann Arbor and searched for a place to set up tailgating shop for the night. Here's a little tip for you tailgaters out there - never pay to park in a tailgate lot. As the woman working in the lot told us - drive in after the workers leave and they can't do a damn thing about it. Suck on that Michigan. We were afraid of having to spend money in Michigan and thereby supporting their economy, but thankfully, this chick clued us in.

So anyway, we were expecting to have shit thrown at us from every side up in this new surrounding. We were greatly outnumbered, and had been taught for ages that this is the land of pricks. So, how did these folks treat us come 4am, when Nick and I deemed festivities in the lot should begin? They fed us, gave us liquor and beer, and kept us warm. They were, by and large, hospitable in every way that one could be.

I was as shocked as you are.

Imagine, all the learned hatred we have for these people, this mindset that fuels tons of merchandise sales a year, simply did not appear to be true. Son of a bitch. It was like finding out the Nazi's really just took all the Jews to a Club Med and pampered them.

We will have a lot of memories from our weekend in Ann Arbor, the stripper who stopped by; keeping warm by starting a fire in a trash can; me thinking I wasn't allergic to seafood anymore, then graphically finding out I, in fact, still was; the adventures of Abe Yoder; bum after bum coming by to take our cans for the 10 cent deposit; the OSU folks next to us who decided to come up on a whim while at happy hour the day before; and, of course the many antics at a certain small town McDonald's on the way out.

But I think what we will remember most, next to the Ohio State win, is the kind hearts of a bunch of fellow college football fans who just happened to be rooting for the other side. Which is why before we left, we raised our drinks and toasted to these fine folks, damned if they hadn't been good to us.

Except the bitch who told me I could take my flag back to Ohio and shove it up my ass. What a whore.

The Smart Choice in 2008

2005-11-15T08:30:00.000-05:00

Now that Election Day 2005 has come and gone, it's time to look ahead to the future. A new poll released just today revealed that only 37% of Americans approve of the job President Bush is doing. In a land where Wal-Mart employees go on Medicare because they can't afford health insurance, it is clear something needs to change. Our country is dying, and it is time for effective leadership in our government.

I'll cut right to the chase - America needs a new president like a fat kid needs a cupcake.

Many factors have contributed to this mindset - ineffective response to Hurricane Katrina, the War in Iraq, the raping of Social Security, and spiraling oil prices are just a few reasons we must change the administration in the White House at once. The current staff may or may not be responsible for these problems, but what is clear is America needs a leader who can fix these issues plaguing our country. This leader must transcend the label of Republican or Democrat, and build a bridge between both parties to effect change. A man of integrity, a man of intellect, and one of strong American ideals must be our next president.

I am talking, of course, about MacGyver.

MacGyver for President

MacGyver acts fast and thinks faster - that's a fact. Here's another, he lives on a houseboat.

In a MacGyer White House, dependence on foreign oil will become a moot point after our President shows every American how to make a simple, efficient energy reactor out of a coffee pot, baking soda, and a sock. MacGyver will also usher in a new era of peace, not just in America, but throughout the world as well. He will eliminate Al Qaeda, not by bombing them, but instead by showing them love and compassion firsthand at our Afghanistan Embassy - which will have been converted to an all-night Boys and Girls Club. I predict both of these initiatives will take place within 90 minutes of MacGyver's Inauguration.

The FBI and CIA will naturally become a subdivision of the Phoenix Foundation, which will take over all law enforcement duties of the country. And bird sanctuary duties. Hey it's the Phoenix Foundation, they can whatever the hell they want.

Look, MacGyver had a near-death experience with the mortal reincarnation of the Egyptian god Anubis, OK? We need someone with this kind of experience. We need a president who advocates common sense and Swiss Army knives. Do you want a president that can't even make a blowtorch out of a car battery and some paperclips? I know I don't.

I say we start the grassroots campaign right now and ride this mullet to a better tomorrow.

MacGyver 2008 - The Smart Choice

Vote or Die

2005-11-07T00:25:00.000-05:00

Persons must not vote more than once in any election ...
(42 U.S.C. 1973i(e))

Yes, it was only 25 years ago that the United States Congress thought about passing a law against voting more than once in an election. Seems kind of funny to me. Back when that was passed, citizens and politicians alike were worried about corrupt organizations and voters stuffing the ballot boxes.

These days, even if it's a presidential election, you have to beg folks to vote.

I suppose it's a combination of ignorance and apathy on our part. Those who do vote stick mostly to party lines or do whatever their favorite newspaper tells them to do. Why? Again, because most people are infuriating lazy.

Campaign commercials are a magic little tool that make us ill informed AND anxious for election season to be over. Organizations will outright lie in an 30 second ad, another one will refute it, and by the end you don't know whose telling the truth and are just sick of the whole thing.

Well, despite the large heap of bullshit that can surround the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November, I sincerely hope that if you are registered to vote, you do it. If you are not registered to vote - you make me want to have a stroke, remember what the point of democracy is?

With this in mind, and bullshit aside, visit this website to get a brief overview of the issues, as well as arguments both for and against them. There is also information on city council candidates at the same site.

I think you personally do a disservice to your country by not voting, so please don't make me kick your ass by not having an "I voted" sticker on Tuesday.

God Bless America, Bitch.

America - Home of the Fat

2005-11-04T10:53:00.000-05:00

You know what's great about America? You know why other countries can't stand Americans? Same answer - our staggering excess in everything. Take our use of energy for example - America constitutes 5% of the world population, but 24% of the world's energy. I'm told that this equates to one American using as much energy as 370 Ethiopians. Haha! Suck on that Ethiopia! If we need to be doing anything right now, it's beating Ethiopians at everything.

Ahh but we are much, much more gluttonous with our food. Yes, our sweet, sweet food. The Polish have their sausage, the Belgiums have their chocolate, France has sissy ass frog legs, and we have the rest. We're the birthplace of the Big Mac, bitch.

Think I'm exaggerating? Check this shite out.

This, my friends, is a Big Mac.

Yes, someone actually made, and ate this sandwich. Guess what - All-American, baby. A sandwich that at the very sight would cause "Jesus himself to break down in an explosive torrent of tears and fury. "

Everything in the sandwich, with the exception of some of the veggies, cheese, and condiments was fried; either pan-fried in gratuitous amounts of butter, bacon fat, and garlic salt, or plunged into a deep fat fryer. Mostly both.

Ingredients - totaling 47 dollars

Here's a breakdown of the ingredients and calories (oh by the way, it's a 30,000 calorie sandwich, too).

Food	Calories
Fried Mushrooms – 15	450
Bacon – 14 pieces	990
Onion rings – 18	1140
Ground Beef – 1/4 lb.	293
Corndogs – 2	540
Swiss Cheese – 4 slices	425
Provolone Cheese – 4 slices	397
Cheddar Cheese – 4 slices	455
Sliced Ham – 1/4 lb.	184
Sliced Turkey – 1/4 lb.	181
Pastrami – 1/4 lb.	394
Sliced Roast Beef – 1/4 lb.	200
Bratwurst – 1	510
Braunschweiger – 1/4 lb.	580
Wheat Bread – 1 lb.	1030
Lettuce – 1/2 head	25
Feta Cheese – 4 oz.	350
Italian Salad Dressing – 6 oz.	480
Oregeno – 50 grams	438
Salt & Pepper – 50 grams	0
Butter – 1/2 lb.	1600
Parmesan Cheese – 100 grams	465
Canola Oil – 154 Tbsp.	18,432
Total	29,559

Another fun fact - it took 15 hours to eat.

So there you have it, just one example of our country's total disregard for health, animals, resources and starving countries. What are we to do then, if by nature, we are a country steeped in at least several of the 7 deadly sins? How doest one turn the tide.

The answer is, I don't care.

I live in a great country, a country where I can walk right around the corner, buy a large pizza, and automatically get 2 for free, every time -- so screw France and their sissy ass frog legs.

(And this again, is why foreign people hate us)

Booya

2005-11-04T04:49:00.000-05:00

Yeah - I'm typing this on the mac. I'd write more but hot damn, I need sleep.

On a sidenote, hooray for football, happy hour, and Nick and his chickens this weekend.

Corey vs. The Mac - Day 2

2005-11-02T21:37:00.000-05:00

I have slept 4 hours in the last 2 days. This Mac... this... Satan incarnate.... it consumes me... it is the bane of my existence.

Actually I had to study for a test, but did a fair amount of work on this too.

So I started with the G4 with no hard drive, my 80 gig hard drive from my old (XP) computer that blew up, and a supposed "Windows-only" wireless card and Dual Format DVD Burner. My mission was to lump this altogether mess of parts into one unholy Frankenstein creature of the night.

Look at this one, you can just tell it's unholy.

First order of business - I created Mac bootable OS X install discs - a feat done entirely on my XP laptop. This was the most time consuming thing I have done, it sucked, and I'm not going to tell you how I did it because it was entirely too complicated for this space. Suffice it to say you will need the following things:

Alcohol 120% - the program
Retail OS X discs or Bittorrent to get them unethically
Time to sit on your ass and watch your computer freak out
Alcohol 120% - the liquor

Next, obviously, installing OS X... which, by the way, is one damn fine piece of software. Does that make me a nerd for saying that? Who cares, fuck you - I have widgets... you don't even know what a widget is.

I figured up to this point would be a breeze, and for the most part it was. What would really be tricky, is if I could use my "Windows-only" wireless card and DVD burner. I mean, what the hell good is having a Mac to edit video on if you can't put it on a DVD, anyway. Fuck that.

You'll notice I'm using the word "fuck" a lot. That's because the Mac is the antithesis of everything I have ever known about a computer... and it is bugging the hell out of me. Fortunately, I can at least use my two buttoned mouse on it like normal.

In looking around on the net, I saw that a lot of people were able to trick their systems into thinking their card (Linksys WMP54G) was actually an Apple Airport card and using it's driver.

If you somehow have stumbled across my blog because you are in the same situation, let me save you a lot of trouble right here. Pull out your Linksys wireless card and look at it. While the model says WMP54G, look at the FCC ID of the card. If it says WMP54GV2, V3, or V4, your card ain't gonna work and there's no point in trying. When Linksys found out it's card was compatible with Macs, they deliberatley changed the whole chipset of the card so future versions wouldn't work. Nice, huh?

So, that leaves me where I am now - trying to put a "Windows only" DVD burner into a decidely non-Windows computer, and have it work just as it should. I've already got an idea on how to do this, I just haven't had time yet. So rest assured, nerds, I will tell you how to do this task tomorrow (or Friday if I get pissed off and start drinking on Thursday)

Corey vs. The Mac

2005-11-01T20:41:00.000-05:00

In my line of work and extracuriculuar activities, I do a lot of video editing. Unfortunately, the "industry standard" software to do this - Avid - sucks my figurative balls.

In my other line of work, I just acquired a free, fairly decent Mac G4. The catch is, it has no operating system on it.

Now here is the kicker, there is a ton of great software out there for Macs only, specifically, one called Final Cut, which is for (drum roll, please) hardcore video editing.

Seems pretty racist of Apple to not let me use their damn program, but they won't return my phone calls anymore after I told the lady on the phone she was a bigot. Therefore, my only option is to attempt to make this bad boy purr again.

Most people assume I know everything about anything electronic. While yes, I can run circles around you at pretty much anything to do with networking, hardware, or Windows, I know jack diddly shit about Macs.

So, I guess time will tell if I manage to even get the thing to turn on, let alone put an operating system on it. For now, I will mark this as Day 1 of this sorrid little adventure and see how long it takes me (if I can do it at all) to make this bitch work - CW style.

Advertise on Television? You're Welcome

2005-10-23T01:40:00.000-04:00

I don't know if you know this, but I'm an American male ages 18-24, and every network and advertising firm wants to know what I'm watching on TV. Why? Because I'm young, stupid, and I've got money to burn - that's why.

Ironically, these companies want to know what the hell I'm watching on TV, when there is so much incredible bullshit spewing over the airwaves. Don't believe me? Check out ABC's new show Commander in Chief, about a woman president.

Commander in Chief
D+

I turned this on last week because I thought it was supposed to be a comedy, you know, crazy Madam President declares war on Belgium because she's on her period and that's where all the good chocolate is. BUT NO! This show actually thinks it's serious. Swing and a miss, I'll stick to believable television, thanks. Yeah, I also see it's rated high in the Nielsens, big deal, it's the women watching it because they are the ones at home cooking the pies. Besides, whose interested in what women think. Not me.

There's a lot of other crap on TV like this, but I'll get back to that in a minute.

Advertisers need to start catering to what important people think, i.e. what I think. I don't know if you're aware, but I'm a pretty big deal - people know me. So, keeping in mind how important I am, here's the shows on television that advertising gurus should start chucking their money at like a common street performer or Vietnamese hooker. And likewise, where they can save their damn blood money.

The Colbert Report
B+

Some say they don't like this because it's not as good as the Daily Show. Hi, it's not supposed to be the Daily Show Redux, it's Steven Colbert being ridiculous Steven Colbert. For instance, when he has guests on, he walks around and accepts the audiences applause while the guest waits at a small table in the dark. Or how bout his closing thoughts on Friday's show.

...There is simply no reason for anyone to run out of money. Why? These babies right here (points to credit card application). Zero percent financing for nine months. Zero. This is free money. Folks, I sign up for every credit card I'm offered. And I use them everywhere: the grocery store, the gas station, paying off other credit cards..."

Steven Colbert, he's looking over your shoulder, but only because he's got your back.

The West Wing
A -

Yea, I'm aware I just slammed the other show about the presidency. You know why? Because it wishes it could be The West Wing. In fact, a lot of The West Wing's appeal is that it's the presidency many of us wish we had. President Bartlett is like Bill Clinton, but wiser and without being so damn horny. Republican and that doesn't do it for you? No problem. Right now the show is centered on the upcoming presidential election where Alan Alda is the favorite Republican to win. Also, no one beats the West Wing when it comes to ridiculous guest stars. In the last episode alone they had: Jill from Home Improvement, Alan Matthews from Boy Meets World, Jimmy James from NewsRadio, and... drum roll, please.... Ron Silver; that's right, the bad guy from Timecop. Also, I hear Martin Sheen is on the show.

Laguna Beach
F -

Like this show? How about you go ahead and fuck yourself then. No, it's not real... really. Oh you heard that some guy you used to know's dad has a drinking buddy who knows a guy who takes care of this chick's dog that lives next door to one of the cast members and she said it was all real. Oh well Jesus, that changes everything. Go jump off a large tower because you are making the rest of us dumber by having to be around you.

(If you're a hot girl, I'll let it slide if you like this show)

Adult Swim

B + / F -

The quality of Adult Swim's programming differs dramatically in quality depending on what you happen to be watching. For example, Family Guy. There's a funny show. However, they have been rerunning that ad nauseum for 2 years now... yet advertisers keep throwing money at Adult Swim. Hey jackasses, where were you 5-6 years ago when Family Guy was on the first time around? Oh that's right, you didn't think it was funny and helped kill it with Fox... but I digress... Also, the same goes for Futurama.

Ever heard of The Venture Brothers, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, or Home Movies? These are equally hilarious cartoons that can only be found (again in rerun form) on Adult Swim. Why haven't you seen them? Probably because Adult Swim changes it's programming lineup about as much as fat kid changes his insulin syringes. Get with the 21 Century and Tivo that shit.

Also, while you're recording those shows, make sure you miss Tom Goes to the Mayor, Squidbillies, 12oz. Mouse, umm, did I miss any... there's so many bad ones. A lot of japamiation, which I'm not into... basically, about everything I didn't specifically list. Oh yeah, and make sure to not watch their promos and bumps either... they will make you retarded faster than drinking lead based paint.

Well there you go networks and advertising firms... that's a taste of what this male ages 18-24 is watching. This male ages 18-24 that is months away from graduating college and making more money than he's ever seen in his life... this is what he's watching. You have two options here, you can either pump your money in and out of what I'm watching on tv, or, if you prefer, can cut out the middle man of advertising and send your sports cars and your cell phones and Bellgrande Nachos directly to me for testing and recommendation to my other equally dumb friends.

The ball is in your court - I suggest you choose the latter.

An Ohio State Gameday

2005-10-17T02:06:00.000-04:00

If you do not have the privilege of attending The Ohio State University, then you are likely missing out on the time honored tradition of a gameday at Ohio State... something that is likely more than half the reason to even go to the godforsaken school. Here now, is an inside look at the typical day of many a college student on a Saturday in October (luckily for all of you, I can operate a camera when drunk).

In our house, gameday started with the chirping of my alarm clock at 7am. Approximately half an hour later, I was out of bed. Oh this particular day, Ohio State vs. Michigan State happened to coincide with one of my roommates (Tingley's) birthday. Being the good roommates that we are, Latimer and I hoofed it down High Street to get Tingley his birthday breakfast in bed... McGriddles and Busch Light. And Rolaids.

Interesting sidenote - there were about 20 police officers at Mcee Dee's while we were there, so if you ever want to knock over a liquor store in Columbus, do it at about 7.30am when all the police officers are shoving hash browns down their throats.

Who doesn't love being woke up at 8 o clock with beer and McDonald's food? If that wasn't enough, to sweeten the deal, we gave him some awesome birthday presents from Goodwill, like this hat that says "I buy houses, CASH", stuffed animals from a claw machine, and an open box of dryer sheets. We are the best roommates ever.

Now, beer is not exactly the first thing one wants to drink when waking up, but that simply does not matter. It is more a thing that you have to do, like visiting the dentist or showing up to court after you piss on a state trooper. You do not have to bong it, or drink it fast, but beer must be with you throughout the whole waking up process, to get your blood pumping Scarlet and Gray... and beer.

There is one exception to this rule, and that is The Shower Beer. If you choose to take a shower before the game, you must take a beer in with you, it is not debatable. You must finish the beer by the time you finish the shower... and taking an inordinate amount of time to do so is very much frowned upon. Finally, when you finish the beer, it must be placed somewhere in the bathroom, like a trophy. I have seen grown men dragged into the street, called degenerates, and stoned for failing to observe these customs correctly.

By this time, you should be ready to tailgate. Tailgate is a fancy word for "Eat as much food and drink as much booze as you can before the game starts because you can't do it in the stadium." At our tailgates, Momma Sab and Co. grace us with delicious treats like brats, cheesy potatoes, fried turkey and a delightful variety of goods from the Riesbecks bakery. Oh, and often times, Yuengling beer. If you have never had it, drop everything you are doing and drive to Pennsylvania and get some. If you are in Pennsylvania, drop everything you are doing and bring me some Yuengling beer.

If you can stop at another tailgating party (like the legendary Colin Mack's) on the way to your primary tailgate location, this is highly recommended and encouraged.

And while eating and drinking at this high rate, you may not yet know your body's capacity to handle this, and feel the urge to vomit. This is shocking and a foreign concept to you, I'm sure. The only advice I would give to someone in this situation can best be described by the character Billy Bob in Varsity Blues... "Puking Rally!" You make the call.

Anyhoo, at about now it's time for the game, a small yet, for some reason, important part, of football Saturdays. You only really need to know two things for this. One, it is possible to get a sunburn in the middle of October, and you probably will. Two, if you are a girl sitting with a bunch of guys, expect to be thrown back and forth into the air for every point Ohio State scores... every time they score. That being said, here's some other pictures from the game.

(I didn't feel like taking time to align them all pretty. Deal with it)

Oh, and we won, too.

Rounding Third and Heading Home

2005-09-29T00:24:00.000-04:00

There is probably nothing more paradoxically exciting and terrifying then your last year of college. I often get up in the morning and look in the mirror and half expect a deer in headlights to be looking back at me. All this fun, these good times, great friends, and 'best years of your life;' it's almost like I can feel them escaping like sand through my fingers.

So how did my last year at The Ohio State University start out? Good question, my time-wasting companion. It began with my computer taking a snap, crackle, pop and dying on me. That's probably why you haven't seen an update here in awhile. So yeah, that was bad.

In the plus column, however, it looks like I am now an Entertainment writer for U Weekly. When I have a story published, I'll be sure to put a copy of it here too, for you people that are in to that sort of thing. It's kind of funny, for the longest time I wanted to be a journalist (and still do), but it's not a top priority for me anymore. As soon as it wasn't a priority and I didn't cafe, I land a job at a news radio station, become director of music programming at the tv station, and now a writer for a newspaper / magazine. If you don't believe there is irony in this world, you're a moron.

And what would a new year be without new beginnings? Most of our idiot neighbors have fled our turf, and a few cool ones seemed to have moved in - always a plus in CW's book.

Finally, at the beginning of every school year, I try to make a resolution, you know, like at the real New Year's, and not this fake one at the end of September. Last year at this time it was quit my job at Micro Center and find out what was really important to me in life. Gain some perspective, figure out what I would do when I left college (and while I was still in it) to maybe make the world a little better than when I found it. Well, I don't think I'm all the way there yet on that one, but I'm still working on it, and think I'm going to be OK in the karma department. So this year's resolution?

Learn to play the drums.

I encourage the rest of you to make your own 'fake New Year's' resolution. It doesn't have to be anything great or profound, hell, you don't even have to actually accomplish it. The purpose should be the journey it takes you on, not necessarily the destination.

As for me, the set will be in the living room by October 2nd. Come by for a concert later this year.

Other Stuff You May Have Missed

2005-09-09T20:27:00.000-04:00

People seem to keep reading my thoughts and news snippets on Katrina, so I might as well write a little more. However, after this one, I'll go back to something fun - no one likes to focus on tragedy forever. I'm sure this weekend's Ohio State vs. Texas game will provide enough hilarity for awhile anyway.

Last time I lightly touched on how high the death toll from all this may be. Last December, the government finished a preliminary report about what would happen if a massive hurricane hit New Orleans. What would you guess the death toll from that might be?

The simulation done by FEMA predicted 61,290 deaths from such a hurricane.

That would be 9/11 times about 20. I don't expect the casualties to be this high, but a hard number like this helps some people grasp the magnitude of the disaster.

In following up with my personal distaste with President Bush, a new poll was released today. His job approval rating has sunk to 39 percent, a new low. Will the aftermath of this hurricane be the straw that breaks the collective back of Americans thoughts on our president? Time will tell...

I hate to be so negative though, so here is a story, again, you may not have heard about, at least yet, because it just came across the AP wire a little bit ago. Here is the text in full, straight off the wire -

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - Al Gore helped airlift some 270 Katrina evacuees on two private charters from New Orleans earlier this week. Gore was acting at the urging of a doctor who saved the life of the former vice president's son. Doctor David Kline operated on Gore's son, Albert, after a life-threatening auto accident in 1989. He was trying to get in touch with Gore. Kline was stranded with patients at Charity Hospital in New Orleans. Gore criticized the Bush administration's slow response to Katrina in a speech in San Francisco today, but refused to be interviewed about the mercy missions he financed and flew. An account of the flights was posted this week on a Democratic Party Web page.

People think I'm a hardcore Democrat (not true), but I never really cared for Al Gore. The only thing I ever remotely liked about Al Gore was Darrell Hamond's impression of him on SNL. However, this news story puts an incredible smile on my face. Someone with the money and means to help out during a tragedy, not waiting around for bureaucracy to take of the situation - and the guy who did it just happened to be Al Gore. I'm also pleased that he chose not to talk about it to the press, because then the whole thing comes off as more of a political stunt and takes a lot of the "warm and fuzzy" factor out of the whole thing.

There are similar stories of everyday people rising up during this time. Doctors, children, teenagers, and many other ordinary folks. Anderson Cooper on CNN has been covering many of these stories on his show during the last few days if this interests you. CNN is also highlighting many of these stories of triumph on it's website.

Finally, I am going to lay off posting about this incident for awhile. It is each individual's responsibility to see what is going on, and form their own opinion about it. I'm sure I will revisit this subject down the road, but for now, I will lay off and let you gather and respond to what is going on in your own way. The reports and stories I have mentioned were taken from the following sources:

www.boingboing.net
today.reuters.com
www.npr.org
www.bbc.co.uk
CNN's website and show Anderson Cooper 360
Jacob Appelbaum's weblog (he is in New Orleans documenting the area)
Jacob's photos

I encourage you to get your ordinary news from a place like the BBC. They do an excellent job of reporting, and it is refreshing to read the news without an American slant.

And with that, I have about 3 minutes until my shift here at work is over, so I will bid you ado.

Go Bucks!!!

The Disasters You Didn't Hear About

2005-09-08T06:40:00.000-04:00

09/09/05 - 1.53am - Added comments at end of article -CW.

Are you aware that we have well over 30,000 refugees in our own country right now? Let that number sink in for a second. 30,000 people - without jobs or a place to call home, many of them carrying their important earthly possessions in a trash bag. Not in Israel, not in Iraq or Bosnia, here in the United States of America, over 30,000 people who have left their homes behind and fled to safety.

The amount of those who perished could certainly be over that of the 9/11 tragedies, which will not be known for some time.

What is known is there are 25,000 body bags at the ready, a makeshift morgue that can hold 5,000, and another morgue at the intersection of I-10 and I-610.

I mentioned before that our president, George W. Bush, cut his vacation short due to Hurricane Katrina. However, I forgot to mention what he was doing:

Hanging out with country singer Mark Wills - August 30th

New Orleans, Louisiana, 80% of the city underwater, many await rescue - August 31st

The buck does not appear to stop here.

Remember that guy on NBC's Meet the Press from my last post? Yesterday, 30 other dead bodies were pulled from a nursing home in the same parish, maybe you heard about it on the news.

Here is a story you didn't see on the news. There is a group at the Houston Astrodome who has been working to set up an emergency radio station that would air information on lost persons, government/job/supply assistance, etc. for those inside the dome. They have been granted licenses by the FCC to do this very thing, but FEMA officials at the dome have blocked them several times. First, they were told by FEMA they would need 10,000 radios to warrant their broadcasting in the dome. The radios were promptly donated and they were again blocked by FEMA, this time saying that they could not use the Astrodome's electricity to power the station. The station promptly offered to run it all on their own generators and fuel. They were again denied, and not given a reason. Bureaucracy, censorship, one hand not knowing what the other is doing - draw your own opinions and conclusions.

The police officers in New Orleans who had been under siege from looters following the Hurricane? 500 officers are unaccounted for, 200 have quit, many are being treated for trauma, and two have committed suicide. Even these men, for whom putting their life on the line is part of their job description, are cracking under the pressure.

There are more stories out there like these, sadly. In the meantime, everyone is looking for someone to blame - the president and FEMA seem to be taking most of the heat, though neither are totally culpable or totally blameless. (Keith Olbermann's scathing commentary is by far my personal favorite, I highly suggest taking 5 minutes to watch it).

What is the point of me blabbering on about all this shit I doubt many of you will really grasp or care about for more than a short while? I can boil it down to something Virginia Woolf once wrote:

On the outskirts of every agony is some observant fellow who points.

While this quote wasn't meant to be supportive, I interpret it as such. It is important for the public to know as much about tragedies as it can, the pain, the causes, and what is being done to correct it, so that we may me able to prevent similar agony in the future. If we stop pointing, and acknowledging tragedy, over time we may stop caring.

And if we stop caring - God help us all.

Edit: Some comments from friends the day I posted this.

A friend in Texas -

i just read your blogs about katrina
and im surrounded by these ppl, i live oh i dont two minutes from reliant stadium
and i still cant even comprehend it
even though i see all these ppl in my city wandering around aimlessly
with nothing

In Cambridge -

i love your blogs.... not the story well b.c it is sad but the way you write it is so good. i dont get the news so i love that i can read your blog and it pretty much keeps me up to date on shit! thanks... and i do care about what is going on so if you come up with more stuff write about it so that i can read it! thanks corey!

In New Concord -

i just read the blogs that you've written in regards to Hurricane Katrina.... very well said... it's horrible to think that our country has fallen apart in an emergency situation, partly because we're too wrapped up in what's going on overseas to take care of our own country.... i respect your opinion and always enjoy reading your blogs

A few others have had similiar things to say. I hope that more Americans in general get talking about the important things happening in their backyard.

If you have other comments of your own you would like to leave, there is a button to do it below.

If Your Heart Isn't Breaking, You Aren't Paying Attention

2005-09-04T17:26:00.000-04:00

Not everything I post here can be funny. If you can't handle that, dont read this one.

Note: I began to write this post on Sunday evening, but had to abandon it because my shift at work was up.... sadly, this situation is, and will continue, to get worse.

For most of last weekend I have been in a funk because of Hurricane Katrina. Partially because of the horrible tragedy that is taking place in the Gulf States, but also (the journalism side of me) because I doubt very much that most Americans my age (or Americans in general) have an accurate idea of what is going on down there.

For those of you who don't know, on the weekends I work at NPR. Sunday morning and afternoon I had to sit idly by while reports of tragedy and horror poured into the station from the AP and NPR in Washington D.C.

Several news reports centered around the National Guard, and how they were just arriving to the disaster zone to assist the Coast Guard's efforts. Mind you, this is six days after Katrina hit, is the National Guard sent in. Anyway, many of the reports were coming in that they had just that afternoon, started evacuating people trapped on rooftops. My God, I thought, these people can not have possibly been neglected for almost a week. The longer the day went on, however, I found out this was painfully true.

On the Sunday NBC show, Meet the Press, Tim Russert had a guest on who worked in New Orleans; he recounted a heart wrenching tale. Below is the text from the Reuters story about it.

"The guy who runs this building I'm in, the emergency management, who's responsible for everything. His mother was trapped in St. Bernard nursing home and every day she called him and said are you coming, son, is somebody coming," Aaron Broussard, president of Jefferson Parish, said as he burst into heavy sobbing on NBC's Meet the Press program.

"And he said 'yeah mama, somebody's coming to get ya, somebody's coming to get ya on Tuesday, somebody's coming to get ya on Wednesday, somebody's coming to get ya on Thursday, somebody's coming to get you on Friday.'

"And she drowned Friday night, she drowned Friday night. Nobody's coming to get us."
"Nobody's coming to get us, nobody's coming to get us," Broussard said through tears.

Here is a link to the video.

Throughout the rest of the day there were several more reports from those left behind in New Orleans, many were similarly gut-wrenching. Not among them were the reports of our President being on vacation when New Orleans was left to fend for itself and then, ever graciously, cutting his vacation 24 hours short.

Dr. Condoleezza Rice, National Security Advisor? After the hurricane hit, she was at a Broadway production of Spamalot, a Monty Python musical. After she received some fallout from this, Ms. Rice released statement supporting the current administration's handling of the situation.

It is early Tuesday (September 6th) as I write this. Think the situation is getting better? Here is what the president's mother (while touring the area with her son) had to say:

And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this--this (she chuckles slightly) is working very well for them."

Here is the audio.Houston Astrodome - Monday September 5th -before many more are expected

While the governmental response bothers me, something else bothers me more. The numerous reports of rapes, murders, and beatings, etc. coming out of New Orleans: Is this the true nature of mankind. When it all comes down to it, is this what we are reduced to? Are we really by nature these terrible animals that steal, rape, and kill when given the 'right' circumstance?

Only one local news story has made me seriously think otherwise, that man may just be good at heart with evil tendencies, and not the other way around. It is a report of the first bus to arrive at the Houston Astrodome. The full story is here (video here). If you don't want to take the tie to read/watch it, here's the gist. An 18 year old kid in New Orleans came across an abandoned school bus. Having never driven a bus before, he took it, and drove around New Orleans, collecting passengers until the bus was packed to the max. He drove seven hours straight to the Houston Astrodome, where refugees were being transported. He also beat the chartered busses that had been scheduled for much longer to take refugees from New Orleans there.

Law enforcement officials are talking about arresting this kid for taking the bus; pardon my opinion, but I think he should get a god damn medal.

If you watch CNN, I'm sure you have heard of many more stories as equally infuriating, saddening, and uplifting as these.

I do not pretend to be an expert on disaster relief - I am only a college senior who will probably join the Corps when he graduates. I am neither, by any means a religious man. However, if you gave a little prayer and a little extra cash for the Gulf, I know it certainly won't hurt anything. The monetary equivalent of at least a burrito or beer at your favorite restaraunt/bar isn't going to bankrupt you. You can donate here or at the Red Cross's site. You can also bring your spare change to collection bins at Wal*Mart.

Come On A YEAH! *

2005-08-30T07:47:00.000-04:00

Have you ever seen the movie Saving Silverman? If you have not, stop reading this sentence immediately, go rent it, and come back here in two hours. The film centers around two dimwits trying to save their buddy from his new girlfriend from hell. Anyway, the common link in their friendship is an obsessive passion for Neil Diamond "He's the greatest songwriter of this, or any generation." They even have a cover band called Diamonds in the Rough. It's actually a pretty hilarious movie, with the likes of Jack Black, Steve Zahn, Jason Biggs, R. Lee Emery, and Amanda Peet to name a few... but I digress...

What the hell does this have to do with Corey? So glad you asked, bored reader with nothing better to do.

My friend Steve gets ahold of me Thursday evening and tells me he has some "very important news." Incidentally, if you haven't had the pleasure of meeting my old roommate Steve, well I'll just sum him up in two words: clinically insane. Steve, lo and behold, has won Neil Diamond tickets for Saturday night by calling up the local radio station during a contest on his way to work (a number which I highly suspect he has on speed dial, or at the very least, committed to memory). I should point out that neither one of us is exactly what you would call a Neil Diamond "fan" or "listener." This aside, I do enjoy the aforementioned movie, as well as Will Ferrell's several renditions of Neil on SNL, and this is just too absurd to pass up.

Steve rolls into town around 2 o' clock. By about 2.30pm we realize we're going to have to get hammered to really enjoy this concert (at 8pm). We start off by watching the Family Guy movie, followed up by the only real (and ridiculously stupid) reason we are seeing Mr. Diamond at all - Saving Silverman.

Fast forward approximately 5 hours.

Steve has drank an entire bottle of whiskey by himself and I have ingested a large, yet, undetermined amount of refreshing Busch Light. Steve, in his incredibly intoxicated and incredibly loud state, convinces Mike to drive the two of us to the Schottenstein Center (roughly 5 or 6 blocks from where I live). Steve brings a Neil Diamond vinyl determined that the man will sign it, and his digital camera- which he stuffs down his pants because they are prohibited. Both items pass through completely undetected by security. Good thing Bin Laden isn't a fan of contemporary adult soft rock.

Oh yeah, the always lovely and talented Miss Alex was working that night, whom happened to be right pass the crack security force. Somehow, I think her keen intellect was able to pick up that we had been drinking for five hours, but perhaps not. Then again, when Steve demanded to know where Neil Diamond's tour bus was, it may have sealed the deal... in his defense, though, I could see a lot of the people who were also there willing to sprint to the singer's tour bus... if they were about 40 years younger. Man, everyone at that concert was old. Crazy old.

Oh yeah - our seats. We had to walk past ten people in our row to get to them, squashing many a fan's foot. This, booze was not to blame for, however. The Schottenstein Center's seats and aisles are about the width of the screen you are reading this on. So right off the bat these people probably didn't like us. Then some of them were irked by the flash the camera occasionally put out. By the end of the night Steve and I were yelling "ComeOnAYeah!" and "I will smack you in the face, I'M NEIL DIAMOND!!!!" I can only guess that they were wondering what the hell we were doing there at all. To that I say - Thank you Jack Black, Will Ferrell, and of course, Steve Patrick (and Alex for the ride home - what a hottie).

The Money Shot

Next time I'll post some video of the super-political correctness that arose after the concert when Latimer turned the video camera on Steve - and my futile counterpoints.

*Come On A YEAH! refers to Neil Diamond's live performance of the song Holly Holy where he consistently interjects the phrase after several Yeah's. J.D. McNugent (Jack Black) also uses the phrase as his rallying cry in Saving Silverman, and in the process of doing so, making a somewhat obscure Neil Diamond reference. Got that? I hope you had to enlarge this to read that tidbit you will never find useful.

Giggity-Giggity-Google

2005-08-23T22:40:00.000-04:00

I couldn't resist posting about this.

Google talk was leaked on the internet around 7pm, just a little ahead of it's scheduled release date of August 24th (Google offered it publicly a few hours later). Google talk is an instant messaging program released by the almighty Google corp. (duh). In runs on the open protocol called Jabber, and supports both text IM's and voice chat. While AIM, ICQ, Yahoo, etc., can not be used as of yet in the official version, based on the way the Jabber protocol works, this should be quite able to integrate all your IM programs. Google is also in official talks with these companies regarding official interopability, however, I don't see what's to stop someone from adding another Jabber server and connecting to these... but I don't want to get too technical.

So what's the big deal? Well a couple things, the first being that GT integrates your email and IM in one interface, which, as I imagine is Google's bet, will drive more users to GMail, which in turn would drive up overall contextual AdSense revenue displayed alongside GMail messages. There are no advertisements in Google talk. When you first load up GT ( a quick download at just under 1 meg, by the way), your contact list is blank to begin with. Then, like it calls up your GMail account (which is also your login info) and imports contacts from there. Also, when you instant message a new contact in the program, they are automatically inserted into your contact list at GMail. It also takes the liberty of unistalling the GMail Notifier if you have it, as there is now no need for it.

The other thing that is going to make this attractive to tech-savy folks is it's VoiP capability (voice chat). I would not be suprised if this gives Skype a run for it's money once (or if) Google talk gains massive popularity. Why? I have never heard such crystal clear sound when I was chatting with my roommate who is at home in Lima. I wonder if the VoiP will be embraced or not, simply because it feels weird to talk to your computer the first few times.

However, Google is going to have to step it up very quickly if it is going to win over users from AIM, Yahoo, and MSN (ICQ is owned by AIM). The program could be the greatest thing in the world (it is isnt), but the program is still useless if no one else adopts it. If Google talk is going to be taken seriously, it is going to have to work with the big three (or at the least, AIM, the most popular IM program in the States). And the sonner, the better.

That being said, Google talk certainly has the potential to do so with it's massive integration into GMail (and Google Desktop's 2.0 release yeaterday), Google is bit by bit trying (and somewhat succeeding) at taking over many a user's computer.

An interesting sidenote, Google's company philosophy (found here) states their number two philosohpy is

Google does search. Google does not do horoscopes, financial advice or chat.

Guess they might need to amend that, huh?

EDIT: A few hours after I posted this, Google's philosophy changed. It now reads

Google does search. With one of the world's largest research groups focused exclusively on solving search problems, we know what we do well, and how we could do it better.

Google talk can be downloaded at http://talk.google.com

The Mass Exodus of Columbus, Ohio

2005-08-23T08:46:00.000-04:00

Those who live in Columbus year-round without moving play witness to a strange phenomenon that recurs annually like clockwork. The Mass Exodus of Columbus, Ohio occurs in two very distinctive phases.

Phase One

It begins when the students living in dorms move out of The Ohio State University for the summer, which usually occurs during the week of Spring quarter exams (however this also occurs for other breaks). I find this to be a particular treat when watching students who have never experienced this before. I say this because the only thing they know about the moving process is when they move in during Welcome Week. This process is quite honestly, planned and strategically implemented as a tactical military strike. Police direct and reroute traffic, cars queue up very efficiently at dorms, teams of other students swarm a vehicle and unload it of all its contents in record time and transport this to the students dorm room. All in all, it's quite a marvel, highly worthy of praise and often leaves parents with a good impression of "how well Ohio State is run."

The move out process is complete shit.

Quite simply, there is no process. The mandate from OSU is to move out by Friday at noon. Now, there's a smart idea - schedule exams all that week and then demand you be moved out by noon on Friday, yeah, that's intelligent. That being said, here's what this causes.

Traffic around campus comes to a standstill from about Wednesday - Friday, producing congestion I will hereby accurately refer to as "clusterfucks"
Behind the wheels of many of these cars are parents who can not drive, or are seemingly driving with one arm and/or leg. How idiots like this keep getting issued driver's licenses is beyond me.
Many local restaurants, fast food places, and bars change their hours, because they no longer have the high volume and drunk college students to make them profitable.
The Lantern reduces publication to twice weekly (not that I care about The Lantern in any form, but a fact nonetheless)
I'm sure there are others that are slipping my memory at the moment.

On the plus side, during July - September you can actually get good service at Applebee's.

Phase Two

It was during the past weekend (8/20) that I became aware of Phase Two. The origins of Phase Two lie in the magic month before new residents move in to apartments and houses on campus, but after the old ones move out so the owners can clean and fix them up... yeah right... dont get me started on that one....

By some weird coincidence or twist of fate, most if not all realty companies designate this particular weekend for the old residents to move out... again, how incredibly smart. There are really only two significant things that happen during this time.

Columbus becomes even more barren, and much more significantly...
The trash. My gentle, Jesus.... the trash buildup.

Trash is everywhere... EVERYWHERE. And Columbus doesn't pick any of it up until Tuesday morning. I happened to be up all night, so I had the extreme pleasure of being awake when people finally started coming for this disgusting crap.

5:30am Broken down truck comes and random guy with a flashlight digs through the dumpsters behind my apartment.

5:34am I swear, not even 5 minutes later, another random pick up truck pulls up and two other people with flashlights dig through. I briefly considered hitting the car alarm on the truck, but then I felt bad thinking about it, figuring these people probably have enough problems and feel embarrassed enough as it is.

7:30am The city trucks finally come to haul everything away. It takes them about 15 minutes before I heard them leave. I should note they drop both dumpsters 3 times, and dropped a substantial amount of trash onto the street in the process.

Nice work, idiots.

Well anyway, I thought it was interesting the impact a large group of people being forced out of a small space in a short period of time has. Campus has been the West Bank of Columbus for awhile it seems. Except, you know, without the 3000 year old religious conflict or persecution or bombings or hot political debate or military enforced disengagement . Yeah.... exactly like the West Bank...

A Trip in the Wayback Machine

2005-08-11T01:42:00.000-04:00

Time is a weird thing. Take this picture I found cleaning some drawers out today, for instance. On the back in my Mom's handwriting it reads "Corey and Ryan, Halloween 1987." For those of you not good at math, I was three years old in 1987. I can remember this almost as clearly as if it was yesterday... now why is that? Nothing extraordinary or traumatic happened that Halloween. I remember Ryan, myself, and our parents went to the store together so we could have matching Halloween costumes, and we ended up picking these Viking ones, hardcore, right? I can even remember the font on the box, and how the swords were unusually strong for plastic toys. Hell, I remember the old lady at the end of the block who gave us homemade cookies, back when you could live in a small town and not worry that some pyscho was going to jam needles into it or something. I can remember things like this without breaking a sweat... but I take a basic Plant Biology midterm and I can't remember seven stages of cell division.

It's kind of surreal to think of all the growing up I have done in the 18 years since my Mom snapped that picture on Mulvane St. Learning about death, friends gained and friends lost, moving, finding the love of your life, learning about death all over again, graduating high school and going to college, and then losing the love of your life. Soon, graduating college will be on that list. After that - the real world, marriage and possibly a family of my own. There's not exactly a lot more growing up to do after that. To think... I'm actually almost a full-blown adult, and yet, something is more than mildly comforting at looking at this old picture, at the smile and look in my eyes. Here is little Corey, no stress, no loss of innocence, completely happy and content with the world around him... a world he knows primarily as one that gives him candy for knocking on a door and saying "Trick or Treat" on a certain day.

Ahh, to be a kid again......

Tales From Ozzfest

2005-08-03T02:46:00.000-04:00

So I get a phone call on Monday asking if I want to go to Ozzfest the next day. Being appreciative of heavy rock's roots, I agree to go, if only to see Ozzy and the rest of Black Sabbath. Presented below is the account of how the day spiraled into Suckfest 2005.

First of all, any day you wake up at 9am after going to bed at 4.30am, you're gonna have trouble on your hands to begin with right off the bat. A shower and a McGriddle popped me right back into action, though. Before heading over to Germain, Latimer suggested we buy some footlong subs from Subdway - since the website said we could bring in food in a clear bag. The internet never lies, right? More on that in a minute.

I go up to the Will Call desk to pick up my ticket and am greeted with the following signs everywhere:

Ozzy Osbourne and Black Sabbath will not be performing tonight.

Son of a bitch - that's really the only reason I came. Strike One. We're here though, so no sense in leaving. Besides, the tickets were free, so I walk into the security line with Latimer and Mike bringing up the rear. I get through three.... three security guards, my ticket is scanned, and am promptly bitched at for having my sub sandwich with me. A very manly woman tells me I can't bring that in because Subway is a friggin' sponsor of this concert. She tells me I can go outside and eat it though and then come back in.

Now, if you are thinking, well, at least this woman is smart.... you should be beat with your own shoe. You can't get a re-entry when your ticket is scanned, a mind-shattering peice of knowledge this woman who works the gates at a concert is not aware of. She then explains she would be happy to throw my delicious turkey sub away for me. Bitch. Long story short - I throw the sub to Latimer and Mike and they give it to the 99.7 guys, who give them some energy drinks. Guess what? These aren't allowed in, either. Thanks guys. I'm not at this festival for 5 minutes yet and it's already got two strikes against it.

While Mike and Latimer are outside with the Blitz guys, I head over to see Colin working The Devil's Rejects booth. Thank God for Colin and his unlimited stash of water and shade. I ended up spending a good part of the day there with him.

Anyway, all the other crap that comprises "Strike Three" can be surmised in the advice and anecdotes below.

Bring sunscreen if you are going to be outside for 10 hours, that was my fault.
If you are an incredibly unattractive and overweight woman, please, for everyone's sake, do not walk around topless all day. This was most decidely not my fault.
"Eight dollars for a beer? Fuck you!"
Don't go to Ozzfest until at least 4-5 hours after it has started. All the bands will sound the same - with the suck knob on the guitars and mics turned up to max.
Girls passing out condoms all day. Actually, this was more humorous and ironic to me than anything, since it was about 95 degrees all day, rendering the condoms useless and melting them unless used immediately. Colin cracked one open to verify the melting theory.
Hey dickhead next to me, don't analyze Rob Zombie's performance as it's going on and let me enjoy his set. You are not a rock and roll historian or expert. You are a 45-year old alcoholic going through a midlife crisis who took the day off from work at the gas station, now shut up.
Furthermore, everyone came to see the guy on stage dance around and sing really loud, not you. Dumbass.
Mudvayne - don't smoke so much pot right before you go on stage and maybe you won't blow. Oh but you did. You lose, try again next year.
Oh, and if three security guards are forcing you out of the ampitheater, is there really any point in trying to fight it. Especically if you're wasted? Oh yeah, I guess that's probably why you try it. Repeatedly. Like an Alzheimer's patient.

The day wasn't all that bad of course. I got to see a lot of friends who are more into this stuff (or in Colin and Jill's case, much less into this stuff). Plus I got a bunch of free Devil's Rejects stuff out of it, which is pretty cool. All in all, probably better than staying at home and watching Boy Meets World like I would have.

All I know is this - Ronnie James Dio should be on standby at all times to front Black Sabbath when Ozzy has a boo-freakin-hoo tummy ache. He could fly in on a dragon or some shit, if anyone could do that, it would be him or Jack Black.

Shit, scratch that, put Jack Black on standby, screw Dio AND Ozzy.

Dream Analysis? Keep Dreaming

2005-07-31T03:37:00.000-04:00

Whether it be from a psychology lecture, an eccentric friend, or coke fiend Sigmund Freud, I am always hearing about this notion that your dreams may have a hidden message from your subconscious.

Bogus. Holy Freaking God is This Bogus.

It's not so much that I don't believe in this because the man who pioneered it also thought it was a perfectly normal thing for a young man to contemplate killing his father so he may be engaged sexually with his mother Norman Bates style.... No, no, I'm fine with this. The reason I call "bullshit" on dream interpretation is the simple personal experience of my own dreams over the last several nights.

Thursday Night or Why You Should Always Share Your Ice Cream.

I dream that I steal Latimer's Nissan to get a sandwich and on the way, it transports me back to the 1920's. I am arrested and thrown in jail for crashing a car that has not been invented yet. The district attorney comes to visit me in prison and I try to explain that I can't be put in jail because I haven't even been born yet. He says he knows this and was once a childhood friend of mine, and created the whole scenario to get me stranded in a 1920's jail because I did share an ice cream cone with him when we were children. I am visited by a female friend in prison and wake up.

Thanks to the good people at www.dreammoods.com I am able to give a rough though "incredibly accurate" interpretation of my twisted dreams to all of you.

Dream Analysis -

Stealing Latimer's car indicates that I am needy of his or his car's attention. Using it to travel back to the 1920's indicates I wish to live in the 1920's (wow, that's so deep!). The car accident that ensued is a warning that I am (I kid you not) "driving" myself too hard, yet paradoxically, being arrested and thrown in jail can only mean that I am too confined and restricted, and not pushing myself hard enough. As for having a female friend in my dream, it can only mean I want to bone her.

Now, as if it needs said, this is not at all indicative of Corey "Big C" Spring. For example, me wanting to live in the era of prohibition could quite possibly be the most hilariously absurd thing I have or ever will hear in my life. Not too mention me being needy of Latimer or his car (I don't even drive stick). But this, my friends, is only the tip of the iceberg. Let's move on.

Friday Night or The Two People You Want to Be Next to Most While Defusing a Bomb.

This sorid little dream begins on a submarine. It had a very "cruise-like" atmosphere, in that there seems to be no military, and only rich ass tourists on this sub. I take a seat at the dining table to find that my two dinner guests for the evening are Luke and Owen Wilson. Owen is stoned out of his mind. We chat for awhile when semi-respected actor Luke Wilson announces very loudly he has discovered a bomb under our table. I immediately try to begin disarming it and tell the Wilsons to get the captain and some tools. They disappear and I work feverishly against time to disarm the bomb. (Why we didn't just shoot it out of the sub and into the bottom of the ocean I'll never know). The brothers arrive ten minutes later or so and now they are both high and laughing like hyenas. Owen yells repeatedly "Oh man..... Oh man I'm so high.... I'm SOOO high hehehehehe." Idiot. Somehow, while never doing any drugs in this dream, I end up high or drunk or something and give up on defusing the weapon to go find the buffet table for some shrimp (Sidenote: I do not eat shrimp). The last thing I remember is Owen Wilson, star of several hit comedies, putting lipstick on the outer casing of the bomb.

Dream Analysis -

Where do you even begin to start with something as screwed up as this....

Being on this sub cruise is supposed to mean I am cautiously exploring my emotions, and will soon be going on an emotional journey. How the celebrities are portrayed in my dream (constantly stoned) is a reflection of how my best friends usually act (though one could understandably think so, they are not constantly stoned). I am on the verge of exploding with anger and violence because of the bomb, the good people at dreammoods.com tell me. And my favorite, which I will quote directly from the site,

may also mean that you need to look on your inner strength for stimulation instead of relying on outside forces.

So are these humorous little dreams just that, or are they a stark warning of danger to come, possibly warning signs of me about to unload a few rounds at the local post office? I will allow you to make your own conclusions about dream analysis, but I will throw in my two cents about what I think these dreams could mean for me in the future.

Stated simply, before going to bed, do not eat a burrito as big as your head.

Red, White, and Doom

2005-07-02T13:54:00.000-04:00

Every year Columbus has a fireworks show over the riverfront called Red, White, and Boom. My friend Lisa bartends downtown at Spinnaker's. This is the tale of when Lisa's last day of work collided head on with Red White and Boom.
(This is a long story... if you only want to read about the crazy shit that happens after we are drunk, scroll to the bolded section)

Since it was Lisa's last day of work downtown, and since the fireworks were downtown, it only seemed logical that I should go to her bar with some friends before seeing the fireworks. Seth, Laura, Andy, Latimer and myself get on a COTA bus headed for downtown around 4 or 5.

To give you an idea of some of the cool people who ride the COTA bus, picture a a tall man with long greasy hair, holding a lightsaber and giving you very detailed and specific information about how he "crafted" it and how it's similiar to Anakin's yet made of different crystals. It's a fucking peice of plastic from Toys R' Us, dude, grow the hell up.

Despite the mob of people all over downtown Columbus, we make it into Spinnaker's about half an hour later and sit down to drink #1 and open up our tabs. I had a short Jack and Coke.

Spinnaker's was way more packed than it has ever been (otherwise the place wouldn't be closed now), so we have to sit at a table during our first drink, until Andy wrestles 5 seats at the bar for us. Lisa is happy to see us and looks very cute and festive for the holiday. She promptly takes away my Jack and Coke that I have finished before everyone else (because it was short) and brings me drink #2 - a tall Capt. and Coke. Hey, I like Coke. It is also worth noting that around this time, Seth gets basket of chips #1 from Lisa.

Things pass rather uneventfully while we all chat and slowly sip our drinks, completely oblivious to the destruction that will occur some hours later. Andy and I finish our drinks around the same time and I asked what he was having - it was Tanqueray and Tonic. It looks good, so drink #3 becomes a tall Tanqueray and Tonic.

Around this time Andy has the misfortune to ask what song is playing on the radio. A crazy old drunk guy wanders over to us and proceeds to inform us he has memorized every song released since 1949. Bullshit detector going off full blast, and not wanting to talk to this guy, I ask him what song is currently playing. Crazy guy walks away to the speaker on the other side of the room for a few minutes, comes back, and announces he can't hear it, otherwise he would know. We do this little tango about 3 more times before he decides to leave the bar, and I finish drink #3.

Andy announces that if he has one more drink he will probably be done for the evening... this prompts me to get drink #4 - another tall Tanqueray and Tonic, and one for him. When the drinks arrive I turn to Latimer and ask him if it's almost time for the fireworks. Befuddled, he looks at me, his phone, and the bright sunshiny day out the window behind us and informs me it's only 6.30pm, the fireworks will not start for over 3 hours. I have my first premonition of danger ahead and decide to ignore it and kick back my drink. I believe basket of chips #2 was devoured at this time as well.

I stand up to go to the bathroom before getting anouther drink and have my first realization that I am not entirely sober. Upon returning, however, I immediately forget this and start feeling festive, and ask Lisa to make me something fun. She is happy to oblige but warns me that it will get me drunk; I am not concerned by this in the least, and watch her make a beautiful concoction. I have no idea what the name of it was, or if it even had a name. What I do know is I watched her liberally pour six different kinds of liquor into a tall glass with a cherry, and that it looked neon blue. It tasted and looked like some sort of super awesome Kool-Aid - this is drink #5, and it is delicious.

Andy and I decide we are not patriotic enough and purchase two American flag bandanas from a guy in the bar. He puts his on correctly... I choose to wear mine like Rambo.

Time for drink #6 - which was the biggest and most loaded up with tequila margarita I think I have ever had. Andy bids us farewell, because he decides he has had enough to drink and is ready to cruise for chicks... bandana and all. Our other roommate arrives and orders a beer - Latimer and I make fun of him for not drinking liquor.

I believe it is about 8 o' clock at this point, I am not certain, I only know that it is still daylight, and I am undeniably drunk. Many times when I drink I reach a point where I know I have two choices - stop drinking and remain my sensible self, OR continue drinking and provide a hilarious source of entertainment. I choose the latter and get drink... where are we #7? - it's a big Sex on the Beach.

About now is when our lady friends from 18th and Co. arrive at Spinnaker's. Adrienne comes over to say hi and asks how I am. I put my arm around her ass and tell her "Fantabulous" She can obviously tell I am drunk and decides to egg me on, by having me order a "Purple Rain." This is a super strong drink (at least the way Lisa made it) and thanks to Prince, I now have drinks #8 and #9. It's also time to refuel, with another basket of chips. The girls have a drink and decide they should be drinking something patriotic (and unfortunately terrible) and all order a 4th of July. I do not know what is in this terrible shit, but seeing that Adrienne hated hers and was about to dump it out, I valiantly took it and drank the rest (all) of it... I will not see good booze go to waste. While I do this I am incredibly perplexed as to why cats and dogs are talking and fighting each other with Jeff Goldblum on the bar TV... I later learn I am not freaking out and its just a terrible movie.

I'm pretty sure another drink was had after that, and we finish another basket of chips. My friends and I have completely taken over Spinnaker's. It's about ten minutes before the fireworks start, so we leave our tabs open and I lead a brigade of people out the bar for a suitable place to watch the fireworks - it turns out to be the roof of the parking garage. This period of time is pretty uneventful excepet for when Seth walked right past a row of porta-potties to pee on a car, and my grandmother calling me only to hear kabooms and a slurred Corey, I think she hung up.

The fireworks end, we head back for the bar and order my drinks, I have a tall Capt. & Coke... by my tally, I am about or on drink #12 for the evening. Latimer, however, has been drinking only Jack & Coke all night... a once full bottle of whiskey is clearly quite depleted - Latimer declares he wants to finish the entire bottle in his next drink, and incredibly, he does. This ladies and gentlemen.. is when:

EVERYTHING GOES TO SHIT

Latimer kicks back his drink with speed as I sip on my drink... the ladies rejoin us as Latimer finishes his drink. I think little of how much whiskey he has just drank and head to the bathroom to pee. While I'm peeing I hear someone else come in the bathroom and pee in the stall next to me... and start groaning. I recognize that sound clearly and chuckle to myself about how some poor bastard has drank too much and going to puke soon. I come out of the stall only to find that it's Latimer and he's just standing in the middle of the bathroom swaying... until he starts throwing up... on the urinal... all over the floor... in the sink and counter... everywhere. I stay with him through it to make sure he is okay, and then inform one of the kitchen staffers some stranger has thrown up in the bathroom. Latimer comes out of the bathroom shortly thereafter and I ask him if he is okay. He has no idea what I am talking about and doesn't recall what just happened 60 seconds ago.

I have a final drink (lucky number 13) and we all close out are tabs for the night. What's the damage for all this liquor? Take a look

That's correct - $1.71, coincidentally, this is the price of the cheapest drink that can be charged to a tab. We tip Lisa appropriately for how good she has been to us, and head out.

Downtown Columbus is utter chaos, people everywhere, all trying to get out of downtown... and it is impossible for us to find a cab and the busses are not running. A sensible person like Laura pulls out her phone and starts calling cab companies. I am Corey Spring and I am drunk though... so fuck that. I get in the street and start trying to hail a taxi... but none are to be found. Failing to accept defeat, I hail down a Columbus City Police car instead. This works.

Me: "Do you know if the busses are running, officer? (I know full well they are not)"
Cop: "I wouldn't have any damn idea, are you folks trying to get home?"
Me: "Yea we live on campus, we tried to get a cab but none will stop for us."
Cop: "Okay well you and your friends get in and I'll take you out of this maddness, you're liable to get shot if you stay here too much longer."
Me: "EVERYBODY IN THE COP CAR!"

Oddly enough my friends were hesitant to get in the car, as they thought I was getting arrested, but they give in. Columbus' finest takes halfway home and drops us off in the Arena District, where he says we will be a lot safer and be able to get a cab from here. I thank him a lot but in my head I am pissed at this guy for not taking us all the way home with his sirens on and shit.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my life.

So we try to get a cab from here, guess what - no luck, we have to hoof it home. Latimer and Seth respond to this by wrestling each other on solid concrete. We run into six ridiculous people on the way.

Ridiculous drunk #1 - Robert W. Walker. How do I know his name? He opend up an art gallery and gave me a sticker with one of his paintings and name on it. Latimer told him to get a job and kept walking, I took the guy's sticker. He thanked me for not being a dickhead and said I could drop by the gallery and have a free print if I wanted. For what it's worth, if anyone would like to see Robert's work, his gallery is the RW2 Gallery @ 1178B High St.

Ridiculous drunk #2 - Crazy rapping poet bum (not to be confused with the rapping bum on campus). This guy scared the hell out of Laura and I put myself between him and her. This time I was telling a drunk to get a job, and Latimer was giving him a chance. He went away after Latimer gave the guy a dollar for his "sweet" skills.

Ridiculous drunks #3 and #4 - Two girls walking down High St. towards us with their boobs just hanging out there for all to see.

Latimer: "Hey those girlies don't have any shirts on."
Girls: "NO SHIT, ASSHOLE!!"

We break for Taco Bell (where Seth crams his MexiMelt all over his face ala Silence of the Lambs) and head back outside. I hear someone yell that there are two girls going at it in the drive-thru. Thinking that there is lesbian sex going on in the vicinity of Taco Bell, I rush over, only to see two girls beating the shit out of each other and no one driving the car one of them has been pulled out of. This is promptly broken up by the police, pity. Shortly thereafter, I make it home, 2 hours and about 2 miles after we first left the bar.

Another typical day in the life of Corey Spring

Summertime - and the livin's easy

2005-06-22T01:40:00.000-04:00

Yea i haven't updated in awhile, having a major injury or incident every week for the last couple months drops this website down on my list of priorities.

So what's new? I'll start with now and head backwards.

Mike Quade moved in with us over the summer. His welcome gift to the neighborhood was accidentally shooting out a car window with Latimer's BB gun while drinking with us. (Hey if both of us could hit that target drunk, then he should have been able to as well). Fortunately, our neighbor, who the car belonged to, was high as a kite at the time and his only response to his missing driver's side window was:

Dude

In drinking news, of course, there was graduation, Nick's party, and Crawl. Kat hit fake 21 and Danley hit the real 21; we took him out to the Library and a party before his bitch tour of duty with the Navy for the summer. Anyhoo, suffice it to say those were some of the drunkest days of my life. Casualties from these events? A couple t-shirts, 3 cell phones rendered useless due to incidents with a swimming pool, my leather belt, and a scruff with JT brought on by yours truly. I also believe Seth and possibly others were injured and pissed off from Sab chucking shards of the melted ice luge at people.... that's our Little Matt... The booze surplus from that party also resulted in me drinking a lot during the last week or so and treating a dear friend like crap when she came over. I certainly care more about her then I do crappy beer, so I think it's time to cut back a little.

Also, I busted my ankle up since my last post. but it is slowly getting better and I may run on it again soon. This happened as a result of me thinking I could run down 23 flights of stairs faster than Jackie. Result - I could, but only when going head forwards into a wall and going unconcious. Ouch.

Ahh and yes, my dear sweet Suzanne helped me master Sign Language in time to ace my final for that class, for which I am eternally in her debt.

Those are pretty much the highlights of the last couple weeks. I haven't been home yet, and should probably do that sometime within the next month.. I know they miss me and I miss them, too. It's been too long.

That's all for now - I have to get up tomorrow for interviews at Battelle and the good ol' Target photo lab... haha, what a stark contrast.

Below are some pictures of the last month and a half (some mine some stolen) in random order:

Kat's Birthday @ Nyoh's

Me and Nick @ Brother's

I have no idea

Me and Jackie and our Freaky Eyes

Cinco de Mayo Madness @ Nick's

Danley's First Legal Shot (Jack Daniel's)

An Open Letter to the Guy That Mugged Me

2005-05-15T19:56:00.000-04:00

Dear Fat Ass,

I can see how you thought you were entitled to my wallet the other night, being that you worked really hard for all my money and credit cards in it, but I am inclined to disagree with your logic. Also, you are really fat, and fat people like you don't deserve money because you clearly have too much of it already and are spending on food. Fattie. Oh and kudos on knocking me down from the back and beating me, and then quickly running away in your car, it's really quite a testament to what a big brave man you are. So anyway, in summation, enjoy all the tacos and cheeseburgers you'll be buying with my hard earned cash, cockgobbler, and may your penis quickly implode or fall off from lack of circulation due to your fat fucking ass.

Imagining your face every time I urinate,

Corey

Where Did That Week Go?

2005-05-09T04:18:00.000-04:00

So if you're looking for something fun to do, do what I did recently and spend a week at the luxurious Ohio State University Medical Center. Apparently I had some sort of tear in my upper stomach and was having wuite a bit of blood loss from it... Among the low points of the week... vomitting blood, having a camera thrown down my throat, drinking radioactive crap, and a nice little stomach pump to top it all off.

In the hospital you have an over abundance of time and little to do. Among the highlights I had when people weren't stopping by and visiting were reading Al Franken's Lies and the Lying Liars That Tell Them, crossword puzzles... and an insane amount of television. (I bet you didnt know Henry Rollins once hosted a show on the SciFi channel or that Macgyver is on three times a day).

Unfortunately, you don't get a lot of sleep in the hospital. Why? Well in my case, it was a diabetic roommate that bitches for a popsicle every 30 minutes and some stranger taking your vitals every 2 hours. You'd think they would want you to rest if you're in the hospital? A really sucky side effect of this is that you are awake during the morning when Dr. Phil's show is on. God, I HATE Dr. Phil....

On the plus side, my very sweet friends visited me and tried to keep me entertained and happy... despite the fact that I was sporting the gayest gown known to man.

Another highlight was possibly the dynamite drugs they gave me while I was in the hospital. In addition to morphine and demerol, there was this little delicious one that started with a V that I cant remember the name of. Funny enough, it had an "amensia effect" that keeps you concious while you are taking it, but after its out of your system, you cant hardly remember a thing about the time that you were being given the drug. Isn't that crazy? While I appreciate the people that visited during those wacky hours spread over a couple days, I don't remember anything we probably talked about.

So fast forward to Friday, I get out of the hospital. Naturally, I go straight to the pharmacy to get all my sweet (term used very liberally) meds.... and then rush straight over to happy hour at Applebee's. It seemed to make sense, followed up by a ridiculous Cinco de Mayo at Nick's place. Among other things, I learn what a Tequila Popper and a "Tequm" is. Thanks Szweda boys.

I wonder what next week has in store

Why You Souldn't Say Anything Intelligent at the Workplace

2005-04-05T19:29:00.000-04:00

Well the day many of you have been secretly pining for is about to come.

I'm sure everyone has seen the movie Office Space by now. Initech brings in some consultants to go over the company's budget and employees and gets the people that don't do any thing fired (i.e. Tom).

Flash back to reality - a week or so ago my boss at work lets me know that I will be able to have my job full-time over the summer. Perfect, it's a great do nothing job and the pay is awesome. Unfortunately, I had the dumbass inclination to open my mouth and say the immortal words

That's awesome! I'll get paid 40hrs a week for ten minutes of work!

Well I said this during budget review season apparently when the building manager was in the room.

Flash forward to a week later at the budget review meeting... Suprise! My job is eliminated for the summer! Granted, it will still most likely be there for me in the Fall (until my particular division is outright eliminated... which is on the chopping block, too.), but it still means I have to do the bullshit job search again for a new job during the summer. And if last year's retard fest at Micro Center is any indication... it's gonna be sucktacular.

Birthday Pics from 4Kegs

2005-03-15T17:57:00.000-05:00

The night started off mature enough

Again, with the maturity

This would probably be cute had I not ruined it

I love Alex's expressions

Three Hot Tamales

Midnight shots with my boys

I don't know, this looks like a Saved By the Bell picture or something to me

I can't tell if Lisa is rubbing her boob or what, but either way Alex is very focused on it

This might be confusing if you weren't there at the time

Another of many shots during the evening

Is she shocked or just turned on? You be the judge.

It's OK, I'm 21, I have a license to be treated like this now

No clue who these guys were, but they felt the need to buy me more shots.

Kate and Me

Some Buckeye TV Party Pictures

2005-03-15T17:22:00.000-05:00

Me and Josh Being Professional

President Paul

Crazy Colin

Wackiness

Adam Clements - The Face of News

The Story of "Buckeye" Bill

2005-03-10T04:54:00.000-05:00

It's almost 5am as I write this. I haven't been to sleep yet, and I go in to work at 9. Sitting here realizing I will probably fall asleep sometime at work tomorrow reminds me of story about a man who worked in my office before I did.

"Buckeye" Bill was a guy that used to work with us down in Document Services. Very few people knew his last name was Heston because everyone knew him as the ubiquitous "Buckeye Bill" or simply just "Buckeye." Ironically enough, Bill wasn't as big of a Bucks fan as most people thought he was.

The story of why he was known as "Buckeye" goes back to another man that used to work in our office, Kevin. The thing about Bill and Kevin was that a) they always were goofing off and b) never getting enough sleep at home. Obviously, you can see I would identify with and admire both of these individuals.

One day Kevin was sound asleep at his desk (for quite some time, no doubt) and our supervisor Jim comes into the office. Bill, who for some reason was having the mental acuity of a supercomputer and cat-like reflexes that day, screams out, without hesitation:

GO BUCKS!!!

Without missing a beat, Kevin's head springs up and he begins shuffling papers strewn out all over his desk. To anyone who has been in the room more than 30 seconds, it is clear he has not been working and this sight is absolutely hysterical.

Jim, however, notices nothing out of the ordinary, drinks a cup of coffee, and leaves.

Some point later in the day, Bill falls asleep on his keyboard. Again, Jim strolls down into the office, coffee mug in hand, to see how things are going. Lucky for Bill, Kevin is all rested up and awake on this occassion.

GO BUCKS!!! Kevin screams.

Bill shoots up and begins pounding on his possibly drool covered keyboard. "YEA YEA, GO BUCKS!!" He says with an air of panic and about 20 decibels louder than normal. "JUST PULLING UP THIS WEEK'S ROSTER!! YEA! GO BUCKS!!!!"

Satisfied that this isn't the behavior of a man who has been asleep on the job for an hour, Jim leaves.

And so it came to pass that everytime one of those two guys fell asleep, the other would frantically yell "Go Bucks!" to wake the other up. Being that Bill was a big booming man who always over-exaggerated the routine, and that it rolled off the tongue so nicely, he became known simply as Buckeye Bill.

And it also came to pass that nearly everyday for, and I swear to God I am not kidding, five years, Bill and Kevin did most of their sleeping at work. While slackers they may have been, the plan was really quite ingenious. Bill and Kevin tapped into the one undeniable fact about working/attending The Ohio State University: you never question another's devotion to the Buckeyes. To my friends here at OSU, I suggest you use this knowledge to your advantage, like I plan to in several hours when I wake up from whatever impromptu nap I invariably end up taking at work.

Oh, whatever happened to Bill and Kevin? Why that's the best part of the story. Their jobs were downsized and now I handle all of the work they both would have done in the past. That's right, the "work" I do now used to be handled by two men. And if you aren't infuriated by that, then you weren't reading correctly.

Take This Job and Shove It

2005-03-03T16:03:00.000-05:00

As anyone who knows me is (painfully) aware, I have one of the easiest, well-paying jobs on the face of the planet. I work in Document Services, a division of the University Registar, and have very few job functions. In fact, here is a run down of my day to give you a better idea.

09:15 - Arrive 15 minutes late for work and zone out for 45 minutes

10:00 - Read entire issue of The Lantern

10:04 - United States and University mail arrives, I help sort and hand deliver every piece of mail coming in to Lincoln Tower.

11:00 - Mail sorting is finished, I sit and read a magazine that should be delivered to a student while talking to various building employees who come down to pick up their office's mail.

11:30 - Go up to Treasurer's Office and see what Jackie is doing.

11:45 - Lunch break, I grab some snacks out of a vending machine (Unless it's a pizza Friday)

12:30 - Re-read entire issue of The Lantern

12:33 - Walk around the building and drop off any mail that didn't make it out earlier.

12:40 - Space out at my desk (but it looks like I'm working)

01:20 - Read the major headlines of the day from various news websites

01:45 - Flirt with Melissa as she comes down to pick up the student mail.

02:00 - Growing ever more bored, fire up AIM and start talking to other people who aren't doing anything (but aren't getting paid, either)

03:00 - Whoo, I'm exhausted, time for a break, better get another Cherry Coke

03:30 - Increasingly more bored, write this blog post

04:00 - Exchange humorous stories with my boss on anything ranging from politics to plant biology.

04:30 - Leave half an hour early with pay

I have received pay raises and outstanding service awards for doing this shit.

I know, I know, it infuriates you... I don't do anything, I will be the first to agree with you. If they gave me more tasks to accomplish, I would gladly complete them. Fact is, they dont and I don't complain.

It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.

So that's my administrative career right there in a nutshell... when you break it down, I really only do about 37 minutes of actual work in an 8 hour day. Later, I will explain how this job has persuaded me into a new career choice.

This post was written at Document Services, a division of the University Registrar, during a work day where I wasted approximately $74.00 of your tuition money... sorry.

Why You Should Ditch Your Crappy Browser and Get FireFox

2005-02-28T15:01:00.000-05:00

Last week I was paying a phone bill online when one of life's major annyonances reared it's ugly head: Internet Explorer crashed. Why? I have no idea, I had just restarted my computer and wasn't using anything else. So after I screamed some choice profanities at my computer I resolved to ditch IE... because there had to be something better... there had to be a better way:

and I found it in a glorious beam of light from heaven called FireFox

So here's why you should ditch that bulky piece of shit browser you are using now and get FireFox

Tabbed Browsing

Tabbed browsing is a feature that simply rocks my world. Instead of having 60 windows all crammed in a group on your taskbar, you can open up how ever many windows of FireFox you want and put however many tabs inside those that you want. It probably sounds complicated if you have never used it before, but it makes your life so much easier... shit... even Homer Simpson uses it, and you aren't dumber than him are you?

Leaner, More Efficient Source Code

The install package for FireFox is only about 5 megs, whereas Internet Explorer is a bunch of bloated, bulky code built in to Windows. Furthermore, the source code for IE is proprietary, and only Microsoft can change and update it. FireFox, on the other hand, is the result of many man hours invested by hundreds of developers. In fact, because it is open source, anyone can make a change to the software to improve it, submit it, and if it is a good change, it sticks with it. The bottom line is FireFox has more people working on it, and is updated faster and better then IE can be.

Extensions

Extensions are these little add-ons for your browser that give you more info or help make your life easier. You can get an extension for almost anything, like a live status of whether or not Abe Vigoda is alive. For example, I have several extensions installed that among other things: eliminate the need for Weatherbug, Autofill forms, and uh, oh yeah...

Block All Ads

In addition to the more improved pop-up blocker FireFox has over IE, it also has better cookie management, so advertisers can't track your web habits. However, the most noticeable (and best) part of it all is that you can download an extension to block as few or many ads (I choose all) that you want. Every time you see an ad you just right click, hit Adblock, and block the source of the ad. After awhile you'll see your favorite websites have no ads at all... it evens works with those annoying flash ads.

Themes

Bored with the bland look of the browser? Just change it with a new theme.

Search Box Built Into Toolbar

A search box is built right into the toolbar, next to the address bar, so you can search Google, eBay, IMDB, or Amazon all without having to first open their original websites. Again, best of all, it doesn't compromise any screen space.

The Government Told You So

The United State Computer Emergency Response Team (a division of the Dept. of Homeland Security) recommends using a browser other than IE because of it's inherent security flaws. You're a good American... aren't you?

So there you have it, those are the biggest reasons you should just suck it up and get the Fox. You fear change... I know, I understand that. I was scared, too... I probably wet my pants when I removed access to Internet Explorer... but hold my hand and take the dive and you won't want to look back.

I'm Hot Blooded, Check it and See

2005-02-23T00:17:00.000-05:00

...no, really, I have a fever of a hundred and three. I swear I'm always fine until it'sright around the time to get a stress test again and BAM! I get a cold or something and that just doesn't help anything. Ah well... as they say....

"Same shit, different day" -Super Troopers

Jt came up with a brilliant plan to make me feel better today... get wasted with ridiculous movies and our old friend Rally's. That man sure does know how to flip my attitude around in a hurry. I think once I graduate it's going to be the little things like these nights that I will miss... just getting some bottles of beer, some good ol' Rally's and spending the night with one of your best buds.

Still not sure what I'm doing for Spring Break... I should get on that. Could fly down to Florida for a bit, maybe go to Canada or spend the time with a heck of a nice lady in Charleston... heck I really have no idea which to choose; I may even just stay here in cbus and work.

I feel like writing more, but I know I need to get to bed if I want to feel any better, or at the very least make it to Reporting class tomorrow.

Until then folks, this is CW... signing off

Rock and Roll

2005-02-22T03:21:00.000-05:00

Today I was putting some new music on my computer when I took a step back and let myself realize all over again how important integral our music is to our lives. Blues, Pop, Country, Rock, whatever, the music you love makes up a component of who you are.

Me, I'm a rock and roll man first and foremost. Country, jazz, and most other genres have their respective places with me, but rock and roll will always come first. I love the music and I love the culture surrounding it. Talk to any diehard rock fan and they will fanatically explain to you how the power of rock is one of the most powerful and influential things around.

"One great rock show can change the world." - Jack Black, School of Rock

I guess you really can't articulate the feeling that overcomes you when you hear a song that really touches the inner depths of your soul. For me, that feeling is enough to make a shitty day do a complete 180.

And so now I will retire to bed and put on some good ol' Foo Fighters to sooth me to sleep.

Keep on Rockin'

The Tide Is Turning

2005-02-17T01:04:00.000-05:00

Today it occured to me that I could go over to the local BMV and get my new driver's license whenever I damn well please. I think this has been the first true realization that I'm getting old, or at the very least, actually growing up a bit. In just a few weeks I won't have my friends buying me beer at bars. No longer will I have to feel guilty about asking someone to go on a beer or liquor run for me... Nay, the tables will turn, it will be me doing those things for all my younger friends. That idea seems still seems so odd to me, I mean, this is completely contrary to everything I have known about drinking in cbus (with the exception of 4Kegs, where I am known as "Jason" and no one bothers to card me anymore).

Ahh, these old bones just ain't what they used to be =P

The Grade Run

2005-02-16T05:41:00.000-05:00

At the end of every quarter the Regstrar's office has a little thing called "The Grade Run." This happens the week after final exams and it consists of some poor son of a bitch running around campus to every department to pick up and deliver final grades back and forth from the office to be finalized into the marcs system (this is the computer system that stores whether or not you got an A or an E in Biology... and also a system you would think I shouldn't have access to, yet do).

This year, since I don't have any big spring break plans, I have been tapped to do the grade run. Most of the employees in the office look at this job as a huge pain in the ass, I however do not. Why? Two simple words:

Golf Cart

The person doing the grade run is given two days with a golf cart to go around to all these departments. If my experience with the Registrar's office has taught me anything... it's that if it takes a normal state employee to do this job in two days, I can do this job in 6 hours - and that ensures some good shenanigans. I've already invited JT to come ride around with me for the occassion. I'll remember to bring the camera and hilarity will ensue... just call me Van Wilder

Back in Black

2005-02-16T05:06:00.000-05:00

Well after a long and failed bout with insomnia tonight, I have decided to revist ye olde blog.

What do I do during these mind numbing hours between restlessness and sleep? Mostly illogical things like taking all my facebook friends and throwing their screen names onto my buddy list... you know, for those times when a facebook message just isn't instant enough.

However, in my randomness of doing this, I came across one of the engineering guys websites and this promo for the ridiculous new show on BTV. Thursdays at 8.30pm - Channel 19 for you dorm kids out there. Andy and Adam will take most ridiculous requests you throw at them, I have no doubt.

In other news, my 21st birthday is now only 26 days away (March 14th). More and more frequently I keep hearing the question "What's going on for your birthday?" Well since my birthday has the good fortune of falling on the first day of final exams this year, I don't know. Granted, I will not actually even have any exams, but most if not all of my hard-working friends will. So stay tuned, maybe we'll hold off on it for a few days and do a St. Patrick's Day party.

Me and Seth

2005-01-12T04:40:00.000-05:00

Here's me with my buddy Seth Macfarlane (Creator of Family Guy) when he came to talk at Ohio State. He showed us the first new episode of Family Guy... let me just say that... it is is like looking into the face of God and having Him say:

This is my most wondorous creation

These new episodes are good shit, I assure you. You'll just have to take my word for it until May 1st though.

Short and to the Point

2005-01-07T02:43:00.000-05:00

Things that drive me crazy!

Expecting too much out of people, but what I expect is still less than normal

Predicitability, I hate it

Caring more about people than they care about me (this seems to apply to everyone I care about) I hate it and I wish I could stop caring about them, but I cant and its not my inner nature...

Thats all

-cw

try again

2005-01-05T02:41:00.000-05:00

wrote something long last night but it got deleted. i dont care to rewrite, after all, this thing is really just to help me gain peace of mind and I know what it said

Everyone wants something they can't have, have you noticed this? here's something equally interesting, everyone has something they can offer someone else to make them happy in some way, but they don't. You can't tell me life isn't rife with ironic hilarity....

When we have no constant in our life, the days just blur together, like a ship floating aimlessly with no means to get to port. Don't really mean this for myself at the moment, just a random thought I wanted to remember for later....

It's rained for days. Most people hate the rain. I love it. I used to be incredibly scared of thunderstorms (getting struck by lightning will do that), but I really love something about a storm. It seems to be much easier to go to sleep with the patter of rain on my window and low rumbles of thunder in the distance. Or just walking around town aimlessly in the rain... I find refuge in that for some reason.

I have French class soon, I'm probably not going to go though. It intimidates me... it will intimidate me even more on Monday, but well, I will deal with that come Monday, at least I'll have the book to bring to class Monday. That reminds me, Corey- go buy your French books.

I heard something interesting last night. Apparently Whoopi Goldberg said it in a movie, but since I didn't actually hear her say it, it's acceptable to remember: Fifty percent of the people you hate don't know, and the other fifty percent don't care. Interesting to think about, isn't it?

I need to get a charger for my camera, I want to bust it out and start taking pictures again. I'd also like to get into making videos, but I'll probably just use Latimer's equipment or something silly for that. Speaking of silly, I have another stupid meeting there tonight at 6. These meetings would usually be rendered pointless by a well thought email or phone call, but God forbid, we have to have a ridiculous meeting that will start late and nothing will get accomplished.
BUCKITV - Putting a stop to effiency...
Well, not everybody there, just enough to irritate me.

I rediscovered a way to get out of bed today, set your alarm as loud as it will go and put it on the other side of the room. Note- this will only work if you remember to turn the alarm on. Failure to do so will result in sleeping til 5pm...

I've rambled aimlessly enough for now. I should make some food before my class I actually like to go to, Reporting and Editing in the News Media

-cw

Merry Christmas?

2004-12-18T02:40:00.000-05:00

Christmas is supposed to be the most selfless holiday there is (well technically that should be Easter for the Christianly inclined I think, but bare with me). We have movies like It's a Wonderful Life and books and other tales in the vein of A Christmas Carol. The recurring theme in most of these holiday tales is reaching out and helping others before looking out for yourself. Jimmy Stewart actually contemplates killing himself in a desperate attempt to help his business and family with a debt.

The holidays are supposed to make everyone come together, cherish what they have, and help those around them in whatever way they see fit. Why is it then that everyone seems to be just as self-absorbed this month as any other in the year? Is Christmas Spirit dead, or is the idea too romanticized to begin with? I wish everyone would just lose the focus off themselves for awhile (myself included) and support the ones around them that they care about.

I think these holiday tales are half the reason why I enjoy the season. Christmas and New Year's is a time when it seems anything is possible; the one time of the year it's generally acceptable to set your hopes ridiculously high in the hopes of a Christmas miracle. Too bad life isn't more like a holiday movie sometimes. George Bailey - a lovable goofy guy who only wants to travel the world. And at the same time, he throws away his dreams time and time again to help the people around him. He ends up having a terrible life, one that he never wanted to have... you think the poor guy is about to jump off a bridge and BAM! - Christmas miracle, and all of a sudden he has a wonderful life after all. Unrealistic? Maybe. I don't care though, I love it, and it's Christmas, so that's perfectly acceptable.

I wish I had the right words for my friends sometimes. I have a hard time accepting this notion that sometimes there aren't any right words and sometimes the only way to help people is to let them help themselves. Then there's the other friends that you know only they can help themselves, but you just want to grab and hold (or shake) them and say "Things are going to work out for you the way they should, you will have equilbrium!" But you can't say that, because they have to want and believe that before it does any good.

Like I said last time, my last entry never got posted becase my silly computer restarted (Thanks Service Pack 2) Well anyway, I had listed a couple things off my "Life List" I created a few years ago, so I think I'll share some of those every now and then, if for no other reason then to motivate myself to do them.

#7 - Give Skiing a Shot
#25 - Make More People Happy

(Funny how I put skiing before making others happy.... substantially so. I blame the randomness of the way my mind works)

Sometimes I wish that I could change
I cant save you from my poor brain

Maybe I will write more later, I'm missing a great episode of Futurama (the first Santa one with John Goodman).

-C.W. Spring

im so pissed...

2004-12-16T02:39:00.000-05:00

i wrote a a big long entry. it was friggin huge. i tackled life, love, and the pursuit of everything happy i have always wanted. i listed things off of my life list that i have always wanted to do before i die but up until now i have not... and i go to the bathroom to pee before posting it and my computer restarts becuase i have ne automatic updates designed to keep me safe

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

maybe those tings will get posted again later, but i dont possibility have the time or energy to list them again. stupid livejournal.

-C.W. Spring

sigh

2004-12-15T02:38:00.000-05:00

I am a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky
to hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
do I stay or run away
and leave it all behind?

Why not leave it all behind? More and more I feel shackled, like somehow, something is keeping me from being free. Yet at the same time, I probably have more independence now than I ever have before. Maybe I'm just a whiny bitch and have a small case of cabin fever.... maybe I have something of extraordinary genius to offer the world and I'm too scared to let it out. Maybe I'm scared that if I try to change the world for the better and fail, then my faith in humanity will be totally lost.

Corey becomes aware anyone reading what he's writing now doesn't have a damn clue what he's talking about

When I was in high school the adults around me told me that those would be the best years of my life. While my high school career was fun and I felt like I ruled the school, the notion that it would be the best time in my life frightened me. Of course now that I'm in college, I have to wonder:

Are these the best years of my life?

My first inclination when asking myself this question is "Good God I hope not" Again, not to say that college hasn't been a good time, because it has. But if I look back on my life when I'm 75 and say "Damn those were the best years of my life," then I will have been a huge failure and might not as well have lived so long to begin with. What good is a long life without any sort of purpose or meaningful impact on the world? Do I really want to have a 9-5 job for the next 40 years and then at my retirement party say "Well, it's been a hell of a run, but I gotta say the best time of my life has been without a doubt getting drunk and (poorly) singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" If that's how it ends, Lord, take me now in my prime.

Maybe I'm looking at it all wrong. I could just as easily say that my life has been getting exponentially better since about the time I turned 16. I find it strangely funny that if you trace most of my happiness back, it all leads back to a cold night in February when the old man came home drunk and slugged me one. More accurately, maybe my happiness stems from the only subsequent beating I have given someone that is 6'2'' and three times my body weight. Funny how life works.

I'm rambling. I guess that's ok though. This journal is for me, I just leave it lying around for you in case you ever wanted to pick it up and peer into my head a little and see that I have thoughts and feelings that extend beyond SNL references, too.

-C.W. Spring

If my temperature is 95 degress, WHY AM I SO WARM?!

2004-12-13T02:37:00.000-05:00

So I took a nap this evening (because I love screwing up my sleeping patterns) and I woke up and BLAMMO! Corey wakes up sick as a dog.

Sweet...

I hate getting sick... not to say that anyone likes it, but more often than not I usually end up in the hospital before I get better. Whatever, I like to think by now my body knows if it doesn't get better I'm going to get incredibly pissed off at it and throw every kind of harmful substance I can at it just for sheer punishment.

So there was that thing with Dimebag earlier this week... man, that was just bad on so many different levels. A lot of the venues in Columbus have stepped up their security though, which is genereally good. Me and Latimer went to do interviews at the Sevendust show over at the Newport and they were much stricter about our access, and Latimer also noted that they were wanding people coming in through the front door. Is it all necessary? No, probably not; the thing with Dimebag was a freak incident. However, if stepped up security measures makes fans, and more importantly the bands feel safer and more comfortable about playing a show in Columbus. One deranged jackass should not effect the course of rock music in Columbus, Ohio, and it would be an incredible shame if it did.

Then there was a lot of other stuff this weekend. Some of it bad, some of it unnecessary, some weird, and one or two things in particular (possibly) really cool. However I'm not going to write about any of those thing here, my own personal notepad probably, but not here.

So it's starting to sink in to me that Christmas is coming up fast and so is New Year's. I'll probably go home after this week to see the family and the other people from "Da Bridge" who keep bugging me to come home. If I remember right, Kim is having some sort of dinner party on the 22nd I think. I like dinner parties... they give me an excuse to dress up in nicer clothes for a change of pace.

Then there's New Year's Eve...every year up until now I have always looked forward to that night. For awhile this year I had been sulking and dreading that day becuase of the other significance that the day holds, one that would not be celebrated this time around. Well like I said, that was awhile ago, and now I'm kind of looking forward to it. One day, one night, when all your indiscretions and faults and goals that you never acheived are forgiven by the world and wiped clean. The Etch-a-Sketch gets shaken up, the reset button on the Nintendo gets pushed in, at school you are given a fresh quarter (a quarter who knows nothing of how you ever performed before it), and you are encouraged to set and acheive a new set of goals all over again

Pertinent lyrics time-

Next year, things are gonna change
Gonna drink less beer, and start all over again
Gonna read more books, gonna keep up with the news
Gonna learn how to cook, spend less money on shoes
Ill pay my bills on time,and file my mail away, everyday
Only drink the finest wine,and call my Gran every Sunday

Resolutions, baby they come and go
Will I do any of these things? The answers probably no
If theres one thing I must do, despite my greatest fears
Im gonna say to you, how I felt all of these years
Next Year
Next Year

Definitely spending New Year's in cbus this year,it just makes sense really. Cambridge is a nice place to visit and raise a family, but when you are a college student on a night you want to make a fresh start on everything, I think I'd like to be in a city that isn't 20 years behind the rest of the country.

Well it's after 6am... and I'm still up. This makes sense because, oh yea, it makes no sense.

Corey "Go ahead, make your jokes, Mr. Jokey... Joke-maker" Spring

ahh

2004-12-12T02:37:00.000-05:00
I get no kick from champagne
Mere alcohol doesnt thrill me at all
So tell me why should it be true
That I get a kick out of you

thats all i've got to say about that

-cw

weird

2004-12-09T02:36:00.000-05:00
And so through another odd turn of events, I again cheated death today. I'll explain later, for now, too tired and wierded out to write about it

-cw

Things I Hate / Things I Don't

2004-12-07T02:31:00.000-05:00
Here are two impartial lists I have created, I invite you to do the same in your spare time.

An Incomplete List of the Things I Hate

Cranberry Juice

John Glenn (Yeah he went into space, but as a normal person, he's a douche)

Office Politics

Teenage / Young Adult Drama

Candy Bars with Nuts in Them

The Old Miser in the movie It's a Wonderful Life

Myself When I am Mean to Others

Being Treated Like an Encyclopedia More Than a Friend

Self Absorbed People

Myself When Acting Like a Said Self Absorbed Person

Always Losing My Phone Charger

The Fact That I (and others like me) Can Be So Totally Reliant on a Stupid Cellphone to Begin With

Terrible Covers of Good Songs

Professor Joey Pigg's English Essays

Close Minded Republicans AND Democrats That Are Completely Ignorant of What Their Party Stands for and Why They Belong to It in the First Place

The Fact That There Will Never Be Another Chris Farley, John Candy, or John Belushi Movie

That Back to the Future 3 Ends with a Really Profound Quote ("Your future hasn't been written yet, no one's has. Your future is whatever you make it... so make it a good one") and then proceeds to have a ridiculous flying steam powered train close out the movie

My Father

An Incomplete List of the Things I Love

Sunny Delight

Jack Black

Office Pranks (Changing the color of all the paper in the printer to pink is my favorite)

Teenage / Young Adult Love (Because of it's passion, not because of the sense it makes... because often it doesnt at all. But then again, I like that too sometimes)

Reese's Peices

Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life ...and any other movie for that matter.

Myself When I Actually Accomplish My Goals

Remembering People's Birthdays

Being Treated As a Friend Rather Than a Clown All the Time

People That Do Selfless and Randomly Good Things Just Because it Feels Right

Me When I'm Like That

My Scotty Doesnt Know Ringtone If I Ever Find My Charger

Having a few people in my life I can depend on when I need them

Good Covers of Good Songs

Professor Matt Eastin's Communication Theory Applied in Reality Assignments

People That Know What They Believe In and Stand Up for It

The Fact That There Hasn't Been a Popular Pauley Shore Movie in Years

Movies Where People Are Given a Second Chance to Fix Their Screwups

My Mother

***deleted***

2004-12-06T02:30:00.000-05:00
***** deleted *******

-cw

What do the cards have in store for you?

2004-12-05T02:28:00.000-05:00
What did you do on your Saturday night?

Among other things, I read tarot cards into the wee hours of the morning with Adrienne.

I'm not really sure why I picked them up on the way out of the bookstore, I figured it amuse me, since I've never really believed a whole lot in things of that nature.

I was not amused, I was freaked the fuck out.

I'm not going to really get into specifics, but suffice it to say, whether you believe in these things or not, they can provide "a completely unbiased view" on your perspective for your life, love, career...etc.

Stop by sometime and we'll see what these little guys say about you

Corey "Oh you mean Shenanigan's?" Spring

Not the Smartest Night

2004-12-01T14:27:00.000-05:00
I've made some really intelligent decisions before....

Last night was not one of them.

Went to Nyoh's at the early hour of 12. Saving aside the fact that I'm not a huge Nyoh's Tues. night fan (since I know....no country music....) and that it's always hella crowded, I also had a final exam in my journalism class at 9.30am

Well in my infinite logic and wisdom I went out and stayed out til about 3ish, and didnt actually go to bed around 5. Being completely drunk at around this time, I reasoned that I would obviously wake up in plenty of time for my 9.30 if I opened the blinds and windows before I went to sleep. That way a blast of light and cold air would wake me up with time to spare.

Your body is a funny thing when you've been drinking, though.

i received a phone call at about 9.30 or 10 from my friend ashley that woke me up. I don't remember what we talked about, yet I do remember going right back to sleep after that call. When I awoke again, it was in a fit of terror because I had missed my final exam.

Oh yea, it was freezing ass cold too from the bright idea I had to open the windows earlier.

Well anyways, I have to take that class over now, because it just became impossible for me to get the B I needed in it for my major.

On the bright side, I got to see some of my friends and I'm starting to remember how single people act again.

So yea, screw it, I'd do it again.

Corey "I don't want a large Farva" Spring

Short and Sweet

2004-11-29T02:25:00.000-05:00
It's 7.42am and I need a break from this research paper I'm writing, so let me just say this:

Ultra-wideband wireless technology will benefit the marketplace and the communication industry substantially, but right now it can bite my ass for existing and making me have to write about it

AND

Naked trips to fast food places freaking rock my world

Corey "I can't think of a witty quote because my brain feels like it's on fire" Spring

Thanksgiving

2004-11-26T02:21:00.000-05:00
Whoo, I ate too much today.... I guess that's what the day is all about, though.

Had Thanksgivingdinner over at Adrienne's house. It was nice sharing a family dinner with grandparents that aren't completely nutso, even if they weren't mine.

What else did I do today... oh yea:

JPFinch2002: what do you think
SmarterChild: I don't like George W. Bush. I guess we agree.
I've heard that George W. Bush is your dad. Do you agree?
JPFinch2002: no
SmarterChild: OK. Well then how would you describe George W. Bush? He is...
JPFinch2002: mildly retarded
SmarterChild: Mildly retarded? Very interesting.

Yea its been a real productive day

Oh thank God, Conan is new... I don't have to write in this journal anymore to kill my boredom.

Corey "often imitated, never duplicated" Spring

I'm Back Bitches

2004-11-23T02:24:00.000-05:00
It's been an interesting time since I last posted. I guess I forgot I had a livejournal until I came home tonight and decided I oughta write something. They say writing about stuff that bugs you makes you feel better about it... I'm not so sure though.

Anyhoo, Thanksgiving is this week. Doesnt look like I'm gonna go home since the fam has to work on this, and every other Thanksgiving. A couple folks have invited me over to their place for turkey day, but I am reluctant. I feel like I should be closer to these people to deserve spending a holiday with them. Who knows, maybe i'll go to the China Buffet or something. I'm sure they don't give a shit about the Pilgrims and Indians.

Scratch that, made thanksgiving plans afterwards. Guess the Chinese will have to hold on until Christmas day.

The holidays are coming up again. Most people are getting happy and cheerful about that, and thats a good thing. This time of year makes me sad. Especially December 31st... so glad our anniversary always fell on a holiday.... sweet. I guess at least I can go to that New Years thing downtown this year if I feel like it.

This journal gets less funny everytime I write in it

Corey "The dollar bill is trying to telll me something" Spring

Back in Action

2004-10-26T02:18:00.000-04:00
Haven't really updated this much over the summer... might as well try to get back in the habit of writing.

Been doin a lot of reporting for BUCKITV in the Music Dept. Thursday we saw Cake, Friday was the Hexum Brothers over at the Newport. They were pretty cool, and gave us an interview on their tour bus (Nick Hexum is one of the guys from 311) The week after next we're heading over to Toledo and gonna interview Jethro Tull.

Gotta study for a Bio midterm tomorrow, I'll rant later

CW

C.W. Spring

2004-08-31T02:17:00.000-04:00
*deleted*

- What do I know, everytime I have good intentions everything goes to shit anyway

Corey C.W. Spring

Derpa Derpa Job

2004-08-04T02:16:00.000-04:00
Well August 5th and I'm finally employed, way to drag your ass, MicroCenter.

Also, the rumor is that we boys might be moving into our house a little early. I can not confirm or deny these reports, but regardless, expect a party the first week or so that we're there..

I'm really not in the mood for any wit today, my grandma just totally fucked up another shirt of mine by bleaching it. Apparently she thinks anything with a hint of white has to be bleached so the one tiny spot can be nice and the rest of my shirts can look like a toddler washed my clothes...I don't even ask her to wash my stuff she just does it...AHHHH!

Here are some random thoughts and advice I've picked up over the last month:
1. Hellboy sucks monkey ass
2. To turn off the water main in your house, turn to the left, not the right
3. George Foreman is the smartest inventor of this or any generation. That includes Edison.
4. I totally knew that guy in Utah killed his wife. Maybe Channel 4 News won't treat me so curtly next time I call with a pyschic prediction.
5. If you dress up your pet in clothes, there is a special place in hell reserved just for you.

Spring Out. (Ryan Secrest sucks monkey ass, too)

Corey "Which in German means whales vagina" Spring

Garage Sales Are for the Clinically Insane

2004-07-17T02:15:00.000-04:00
10 Days with My Grandma Would Drive you Crazy, Too

So I've been in C-bus for a week and half looking for a job. During this time I've been staying at my grandmothers house. Now, I love my grandmother... but she is certifably insane. I kid you not... the woman talks to herself, instead of getting a bunch of groceries for the week, she gets enough for a day or two just so we will have to go to a different store the next day.

This isn't the worst of it, though... oh no, not by far.

This woman gets up at 7.30 in the morning to go "garage sale-ing"

It's not just that she goes to garage sales that drives me nuts, its how incredibly cheap she will be at them. I'm talking about a woman who will haggle on the price of a pair of used tennis shoes marked for a dollar. She will scour all over the greater metropolitan Columbus area to find a 25 cent broken lamp.

Here's the kicker... my grandmother is loaded. She had a ton of stocks that she cashed out right before the market crashed a couple years ago... but you would never know it. She lives like it's the Great Depression and her entire livlihood (sp?) depends on finding a great deal on a peice of crap that's never going to get used.

So that's why I'm at home right now.... a week and a half of that has just about driven me crazy. Another couple days of that in a row and I might have started buying used clothes that don't fit because they were a dime a bag.

Corey "Where'd you get your suit from... the toilet store?" Spring

On Wisdom Teeth

2004-06-25T23:35:00.000-04:00
People will tell you getting your wisdom teeth out is hell.

These people are pussies

Whats bad about this wonderful thing? You get shot up with morphine for a day, get waited on hand and foot, ice cream whenver you want, and to top it all off they give you a bottle of vicodin for your troubles.

People, I implore you... get as many teeth taken out of your head as you can.

Corey "Nine teeth out and counting..." Spring

Dorm Life vs. Home Life

2004-06-21T23:30:00.000-04:00
Ahh the simple pleasures of being at home. Yes, home life may be boring at times (especially if you live in Southeastern Ohio...bleh) but it is not without it's perks in comparison to dorm livin'.

Pros:

1. You don't have to wear sandals to take a freakin' shower. Which reminds me...
2. You can take baths again!
3. You can get something to drink that isn't a Coke product.
4. You have more than 3 cramped rooms to walk around in.
5. No need to take a walk outside to get a meal.

Some nice perks in my opinion...sure there are others. But there are also the cons to living back at home for the summer. Some of the highlights?

Cons:

1. Some of us (read...me no longer have high speed internet access
2. Some of us (read...me no longer have a job!
3. No Larkins
4. Total Boredom and...
5. If you start drinking by yourself everyday as a result of boredom, you transform from a fun-loving party guy to a pathetic alcoholic.

Again there are more, and again, the forces of boredom in Cambridge have sucked my ability to type anymore. Screw this... my unemployed ass is going to watch Super Troopers again.

Corey "License and registration... chicken-fucker" Spring

Things would be much easier to say...up on the microphone like a Boss DJ

2004-06-13T23:24:00.000-04:00
Well, after a long journey and being hit by a CABS bus (OSU's friendly way of saying goodbye) I have returned to Cambridge, Ohio. Sadly, I can already feel myself longing for Columbus again. I don't know what you guys do for fun when you're at home, but here we go to Wal-Mart, Wendy's and then if we're feeling really crazy, we go to Salt Fork State Park. Call me a converted city boy if you must, but I can't take a summer of this. Sure, a week or two of this rest and relaxation in rural Ohio would be nice, but I get the feeling three months of it will be craptacular. Ah well, that's what jobs and road trips were designed for.

So that's it, no witty comments or observations about life, just an update on how freakin' bored I am. Stay tuned for something more humorous later.

Corey "It's a good day to die, McDougal" Spring

This is the most pivotal moment of my life

2004-06-07T11:17:00.000-04:00
This is the most pivotal moment of my life

That's the voicemail Adrienne recieved from me around 4am a couple nights ago. Was I drunk? Shut up, that's not the point. Drunk or not, it's a good quote. It also begs the question, what's the most pivotal moment in your life? At least recently, anyhow. After all, what is life without risks, gains, and yes, losses. It's like I was telling a friend earlier: "The sweet is never as sweet without the bitter" That's not my quote, it's from Vanilla Sky. Pretty good advice though. I hope you all remember to take some calculated risks in your own lives.

You won't win all the time, but you'll appreciate the hell out of times you do.

Corey "Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around" Spring

Fw: Fw: Fw: DERP!

2004-06-04T12:00:00.000-04:00
Forwards. I fucking hate forwards.

I checked my email today, like I do every other day of my life. '12 New Messages' the screen flashes back at me. Damn, I thought, I must be in high demand today. So I open up the inbox and I'm greeted with three offers to enlarge my penis, one to re-finance my home, four porno emails, and four forwards from my grandmother.

"Corey," I hear you say, "Old people can't use computers, how could your grandmother do that?" Well, you are absolutely right, I have never met a card carrying AARP member that could boot up a computer. Because of this very reason, my family decided some years back to get my grandparents a WebTV so we could talk to them while they were in Florida. Worst desicion ever. Why? Well here's a sampling of one of the many things I get from this sweet woman everyday.

Bible Proved Correct by NASA!
> Finally, a Christian man on the team said, "You know, one time I was in
> Sunday School and they talked about the sun standing still. "While they
> didn't believe him, they didn't have an answer either, so they said, "Show
> us." He got a Bible and went back to the book of Joshua where they found a
> pretty ridiculous statement for any one with "common sense." There they
found the Lord saying to Joshua, "Fear them not, I have delivered them into thy hand; there shall not a man of them stand before thee." Joshua
was concerned because he was surrounded by the enemy and if darkness fell they would overpower them. So Joshua asked the Lord to make the sun stand
> still!!! That's right-"The sun stood still and the moon stayed-and hasted not to go down about a whole day!!! " (Joshua10:12-13)
The scientists said, "There is the missing day!" They had the computers
> going back into the time it was written and found it was close but not
> close enough. The elapsed time that was missing back in Joshua's day was
> 23 hours and 20 minutes-not a whole day. They read the Bible and there
> it was "about (approximately) a day" These little words in the Bible are
> important, but they were still in trouble because if you cannot account
for 40 minutes you'll still be in trouble 1,000 years from now. Forty minutes had to be found because it can be multiplied many times over in orbits.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my grandmother, and I don't have any terrible grudges with people believing the Bible... but this is quite possibly the most BULLSHIT story I have ever heard in my life. The very idea that people believe NASA computers could go back in time and find a missing day makes me want to go into a seizure. Is there no common sense left in the world?

I suppose it's fitting then, that the company responsible for this terrible WebTV invention is Microsoft.

Corey "I've choked bigger men than you" Spring

Halfway There and It Feels So Good

2004-06-03T12:14:00.000-04:00
Well on the advice of some friends, I've started writing again. Hope it doesn't suck

So this is it, as of right now I have two solid years of college under my belt. The halfway point of my college career and I still feel like I just got out of high school. We go to our lectures, take our notes, and show up for the finals, but what have we really learned. Here's a few of the highlights college has shown me that I'll remember long after I've forgotten the atomic number of tungsten.

1. People in Ohio amazed by changes in the weather - I will never understand this. It will always rain, it will always get cold, and will always get warm again. Deal with it and stop asking me what the weather is doing every time I get on a damn elevator.

2. College students live and die by instant messenger - An affliction we are all guilty of. When we go to bed for the night, we have to inform the world as such by putting it in an away message. There is not, nor will there ever be a logical explanation for this, either.

3. Chris Danley is a crazy son of a bitch - If you have ever been in a van barreling down the Buckeye Grove with Chris behind the wheel, you'll know what I'm talking about.

4. Ohio State is secretly run by a group of semi-retarded monkeys - I can't attest to this being a fact firsthand, but I've seen the construction projects slapped up in haste, and I've worked a bumbling crew of fools at our student television station. Accoring to Ockham's razor then, this school must be run by developmentally impaired primates.

There are more, but that last one really demotivates me from writing anymore.
Now... time to unlearn all of that important stuff from this year in the next week while everyone is taking finals!

Corey "With karate I'll kick your ass" Spring

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